advice on telling family

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
advice on telling family
19
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 10:32pm

my family were visiting over the weekend and just left this evening, so this is fresh in my mind. we're planning on telling them at 10 weeks, but i worry about telling them. i know they are going to think that us having a baby right now is a poor decision and a big mistake, and they will make no attempt to hide it. they are critical and judgmental people in general (especially of me), so their reaction is something that i'm sure of. part of the reason we're waiting so long to tell them is because we'd rather not have to deal with them telling us "it's probably for the best" if the worst happens early. (they can also be tactless at times.) otherwise i'd be telling them soon (if not already), because i know they'll be upset with me for keeping them in the dark for 6 weeks, ESPECIALLY if they know that i knew the whole time they were here.

so i need advice. what's the best way to approach this situation? any ideas on how to break it to them when the time comes? anyone had to deal with family that they knew would be upset at the news instead of happy? (cara, i know your ILs are being jerks about it...did you know they were going to be this way?)








Daisypath



Photobucket
........
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers




ple.gif" target='_blank'>Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket







Photobucket


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 11:26pm

Ugh, that's a miserable situation.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 2:38am

It's really tough when you are pretty sure they'll react negatively. You coul dalways not tell them & let them figure it out on their own. LOL!


How about send them each an announcement in the mail, then don't answer the phone for a few months. :)


There's no easy way, but if you're really that certain they'll be negative you could tell them in the mail & add a note to the end that says something about how you'd really appreciate it if anyone who has negative things to say, would keep it to themselves... but nicer than that.


Sometimes just being right up front about not wanting to hear negative stuff is the best way to go. Even then, some of them may not be able to help themselves.


Good Luck!

Photobucket
 Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 9:13am
thanks jen...it's good that i know what to expect, i guess i'll just have to take the plunge when the time comes.







Daisypath



Photobucket
........
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers




ple.gif" target='_blank'>Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket







Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 9:15am

thanks noel, lol.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 10:11am

Carly I'm sorry you are having to deal with this stress.

Photobucket


Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 1:06pm

Carly - I'm so sorry your family is not supportive of the choices you make (unless they align with their views), and it's so sad because a baby is such an amazing blessing!! And you and Rob have been married for two years, you have jobs... what could they complain about there?? Anyway, I guess I don't have any words of wisdom, but just wanted to say that I hope they come around and get excited eventually. I think they will... even if it isn't until they see your sweet baby's face... and if they don't, it's completely their (sad) loss!

Also - I love the new (I think it's new?) siggy with the wedding pic of you and your DH where you're sitting on the rocks... it's beautiful!


Photobucket



Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker



Photobucket

Photobucket



Photobucket





3 Angels Tag



Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 2:03pm

Carly,


Isn't it terrible that we have to obsess over something that should be happy news to a family? I think your motto of "we're happy and if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all" is a good one to have.


My advice to you is to wait for the "right" time and tell them. Also, you never know - they may react differently than you think.


For example, when we told my DH's family, they were over the moon (which I knew they would be) but when we told my family, they were excited at first but then a few min. later, my mom started

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 3:30pm

Carly, I went through something like that with DH when we broke the news of our engagement. My in laws were completely speechless and not in a good way... It was an awful moment in our lives, and although they had some valid reasons to be shocked, I still think they should have been nicer.


When we got pregnant, we were happy, but it was kind of fast and unexpected, and we tought we would have to go through the same thing with them. When we finally told them, we got mixed reactions. My MIL was so happy that she started crying, also my SILs. Little BIL reacted like any normal jealous kid, and ignored the news, and FIL was speechless again. At first I felt kind of upset, but in a few days, he came around, and now is as excited as everyone else.


About the way to tell them... I think the mail would be a good option

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 9:54am
Carly -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:26pm
ashley - i don't think i'll go the mail direction simply because it would be just like them to get offended because i "couldn't" tell them myself.


Pages