advice on telling family

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
advice on telling family
19
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 10:32pm

my family were visiting over the weekend and just left this evening, so this is fresh in my mind. we're planning on telling them at 10 weeks, but i worry about telling them. i know they are going to think that us having a baby right now is a poor decision and a big mistake, and they will make no attempt to hide it. they are critical and judgmental people in general (especially of me), so their reaction is something that i'm sure of. part of the reason we're waiting so long to tell them is because we'd rather not have to deal with them telling us "it's probably for the best" if the worst happens early. (they can also be tactless at times.) otherwise i'd be telling them soon (if not already), because i know they'll be upset with me for keeping them in the dark for 6 weeks, ESPECIALLY if they know that i knew the whole time they were here.

so i need advice. what's the best way to approach this situation? any ideas on how to break it to them when the time comes? anyone had to deal with family that they knew would be upset at the news instead of happy? (cara, i know your ILs are being jerks about it...did you know they were going to be this way?)








Daisypath



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 6:39pm
Aww, thanks Carly! It has certainly been a LONG time since I was actually glad to see AF! I guess I should enjoy it because I will prob never be glad to see her again!

Underwater Siggy




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 6:16pm

that's a really good idea adrienne. i was already figuring on saying that i wanted to wait till we saw the doctor, which wouldn't really be lying, since even though i've had my first appointment, i didn't see the doctor and won't till my next appointment. i'll be 9w3d at that point, so it's not a stretch. i could tell them that they advised that we keep it quiet and then gave us the green light at the appointment. i hope they do surprise me, but i'm not expecting it.

i have to say (and this will probably be the only time i'll ever say it, lol), yay for AF showing! i really hope your sticky bean comes soon!








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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 6:02pm

Carly--

When I got pregnant, my doctor forbade us from telling anyone since the risk of m/c is about 1/3. We wouldn't have told anyone anyway (and thank God we didn't, I couldn't have dealt with that), but maybe you can tell your parents that your doctor forbid you from telling anyone sooner than 10 weeks because of risk of m/c . . . that might be one good excuse for that particular piece of "judgment".

I can't believe you even THINK they would say a m/c is "for the best". That is almost cruel to me. My cousin, who is unmarried and got PG by this guy she had dated on and off, had a m/c, and my parents said (not to her, to me) that it was probably for the best (because she was basically single), and I practically ripped their heads off (and this is before I had a m/c too). I was like: "I'm sure she doesn't think that, and that this doesn't make it any easier for her." But I think unless you have had a m/c or been close with someone who has, you can't comprehend the pain of it, so it is easy to be insensitive. Same with TTCing, actually . . . wow, rambling!

One thing I do think is that your parents MIGHT surprise you, not that you should hold your breath, but I think the reality of a baby is a much harder thing to judge than the idea of a baby. And they will love it when it is born no matter how they react when you tell them. KUP, though, I feel for you.


Underwater Siggy




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 10:16pm
thanks sandy! it's good to hear from someone who told at the same time i'm thinking of! of course, the 10w plan will only last insofar as i can wait that long to tell work. i refuse to tell work before family, and if m/s gets bad, i might have to tell work sooner.







Daisypath



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Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 6:39pm

Carly- I was reading the posts and saw you were going to tell at 10 weeks.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:57pm
jess - a direct approach might be best.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:54pm

mari - i never really thought about making it "special"...it would have to be just for them, for sure.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:36pm
christine - thanks so much for the advice!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:33pm

ella - they will come around eventually...they always do.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:26pm
ashley - i don't think i'll go the mail direction simply because it would be just like them to get offended because i "couldn't" tell them myself.


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