advice on telling family
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| Tue, 08-18-2009 - 10:32pm |
my family were visiting over the weekend and just left this evening, so this is fresh in my mind. we're planning on telling them at 10 weeks, but i worry about telling them. i know they are going to think that us having a baby right now is a poor decision and a big mistake, and they will make no attempt to hide it. they are critical and judgmental people in general (especially of me), so their reaction is something that i'm sure of. part of the reason we're waiting so long to tell them is because we'd rather not have to deal with them telling us "it's probably for the best" if the worst happens early. (they can also be tactless at times.) otherwise i'd be telling them soon (if not already), because i know they'll be upset with me for keeping them in the dark for 6 weeks, ESPECIALLY if they know that i knew the whole time they were here.
so i need advice. what's the best way to approach this situation? any ideas on how to break it to them when the time comes? anyone had to deal with family that they knew would be upset at the news instead of happy? (cara, i know your ILs are being jerks about it...did you know they were going to be this way?)
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that's a really good idea adrienne. i was already figuring on saying that i wanted to wait till we saw the doctor, which wouldn't really be lying, since even though i've had my first appointment, i didn't see the doctor and won't till my next appointment. i'll be 9w3d at that point, so it's not a stretch. i could tell them that they advised that we keep it quiet and then gave us the green light at the appointment. i hope they do surprise me, but i'm not expecting it.
i have to say (and this will probably be the only time i'll ever say it, lol), yay for AF showing! i really hope your sticky bean comes soon!
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Carly--
When I got pregnant, my doctor forbade us from telling anyone since the risk of m/c is about 1/3. We wouldn't have told anyone anyway (and thank God we didn't, I couldn't have dealt with that), but maybe you can tell your parents that your doctor forbid you from telling anyone sooner than 10 weeks because of risk of m/c . . . that might be one good excuse for that particular piece of "judgment".
I can't believe you even THINK they would say a m/c is "for the best". That is almost cruel to me. My cousin, who is unmarried and got PG by this guy she had dated on and off, had a m/c, and my parents said (not to her, to me) that it was probably for the best (because she was basically single), and I practically ripped their heads off (and this is before I had a m/c too). I was like: "I'm sure she doesn't think that, and that this doesn't make it any easier for her." But I think unless you have had a m/c or been close with someone who has, you can't comprehend the pain of it, so it is easy to be insensitive. Same with TTCing, actually . . . wow, rambling!
One thing I do think is that your parents MIGHT surprise you, not that you should hold your breath, but I think the reality of a baby is a much harder thing to judge than the idea of a baby. And they will love it when it is born no matter how they react when you tell them. KUP, though, I feel for you.
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Carly- I was reading the posts and saw you were going to tell at 10 weeks.
David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13
mari - i never really thought about making it "special"...it would have to be just for them, for sure.
ella - they will come around eventually...they always do.
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