Baby Shower

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Baby Shower
10
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 8:13pm

Ok ladies I need your thoughts...

When we announced our PG, MIL immediately went to the shower, lol! She wants to host a shower for us in March or April at her house which is at least a 90 minute drive from our town. I have zero issue with her hosting the shower, I just have some concerns about the location.

DH has two aunts, two female cousins, our SIL, and two grandma's and two friends of the family that are likely to attend this shower. MIL also wants to invite some of her co-workers whom I don't know at all so it seems weird to me to accept gifts from women I dont know.

I have several girlfriends and co-workers in my town that would probably attend but would be less likely to attend if the shower was at my MIL's. I would prefer to have the party at my house but MIL can still host and be in control of it. One reason is that I really want my girlfriends to be able to attend. I didn't get a traditional wedding shower surrounded by girlfriends so I would like to have the option for the baby shower. The grandma's usually travel with one of the aunts so transportation isnt an issue for them.

The other bigger reason is that DH and I have a small car with a small backseat. I recall a friend's shower back in April and they got TONS of stuff. I can not even begin to imagine getting all of that in our car. It would be a huge hassle. If we had it here at the house, we wouldnt have to haul it.

So what do you think?? Is it unreasonable to request that the party be at our home here? Like I said, MIL can still host and control food and all that jazz. I know this is a ways off yet but MIL is getting pushy about buying baby gear and getting registered so I need to address it with her soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 8:49pm
I think that's totally fine to ask if it can be at your place. I mean, by that time, you'll be pretty far along anyway, so it really should be all about your comfort :) Plus, you make a great point about having to haul all the stuff back to your house. It just makes sense to have it at your place, close to your friends, and where you'll be the most comfortable.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 8:51pm

Ruby,


From your previous posts, it sounds like you are pretty close with your MIL and therefore,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 8:57pm

I'd totally play the "I'll be 7-8 months pregnant and don't know if I'll still feel comfortable travelling for longer periods" card.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2007
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 9:09pm
Having it at your house would be ideal. I would just tell MIL all the reasons you just told us, she hopefully will understand and change her mind. The transporting of (large, bulky) gifts alone is a huge factor. How nice would it be to just have the gifts already there and then all you have to do is put them in the nursery! GL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 1:49am

It certainly can't hurt to talk to her about it. Explain your concerns about your friends coming & transporting stuff in your small car & see what she says. Obviously she wants to invite her friends, but that should be secondary to inviting yours. FYI - she wants to invite her friends bc it's a big deal for her to become a Grandma, this is not terribly uncommon.


If she's really hung up on doing it at her place & is willing to help transport stuff, maybe you could tell your friends what the deal is & ask if they would be willing & able to go or if one of them would rather host a second shower in town. Make sure you tell them how much it means to you that they be there.


GL working it out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 10:18am

Thanks everybody for your thoughts.

Jen and Alyssa you make a good point about being 7-8 months and uncomfortable. I'll use that too.

Christine,

We dont have two cars so we're super limited. Also there is NOTHING between here and there that is an acceptable location for a shower...all super teeny towns, so it really has to be here or there.

Julie,

Dragging it all into the nursery and organizing it sounds way more fun to me than hauling it 90 minutes, getting it into the house and then it probably sitting there for a week before putting it away.

Noel,

I know she wants her friends there because she's excited to be a Grandma, which is fine but ultimately like you said, it should be about my friends first. It just makes me feel weird to accept gifts, compliments, "advice", belly pats...etc, lol...from women I dont know. My mom has tons of friends but she would only want the friends that I am also close to at a shower. The other background issue in this is....MIL invited these women to my wedding shower but NOT to our actual wedding. I didn't catch this until AFTER the shower had occurred and I tried to get her to send invitations to these women. She wouldn't. Her reasoning? That the wedding was far away anyway so they wouldn't come but getting an invite meant they would be pressured to get a gift for the wedding too. As the bride, I was appalled and embarrassed that these women did not get an invite to the wedding. Etiquette and common sense says if you're invited (and good enough) to come to any pre-wedding events, you're definitely invited (and good enough) to the wedding. 2 years later, I still feel it made me look bad.

Anyways, thanks again for your thoughts. I'll bring it up with her when we go home at Christmas time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 10:33am

I don't think your wedding shower would have been perceived that way by those women at all.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 10:45am
But the difference is...the women invited to my showers weren't strangers...they were long-time friends and co-workers of my MIL. So while DH and I didn't know them very well, MIL clearly does and she invited other close friends to the wedding but not these? It didnt make sense. My parents had close friends and co-workers at our wedding that I know in passing and enough to make chit-chat with but we still aren't close but not strangers. We also had a big wedding, not a small intimate affair like you had. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth. It could be a Canadian thing and thats fine, but as the bride who has different customs, it did not sit well with me at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:13pm

Sorry...I meant strangers to me...but they weren't stragers to her; they were mainly my MILs long-time bible study group (for the shower she threw).

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: rubyshoes03
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:18pm

Ah ok, makes sense.

LOL...good default advice! Thanks Jen!

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