Hands off my belly, please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Hands off my belly, please!
13
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:40am

I'm looking for a nice way to tell someone that I don't appreciate them coming up to me and rubbing my belly at their free will.


A lady I am friends with

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:07am

Christine I have had this same situation at Jayla's daycare. One of the teachers likes to rub my belly or ask every time she sees me "When are you do?" or before we knew what we were having "When you gonna find out what you having?" For the belly thing I just tell people that I don't really like to have my belly rubbed. If they are adults and can comprehend they should be able to understand how that could be a little annoying and it shouldn't be any hard feelings.

When she would ask when I was due after awhile I would just start saying next year since she couldn't quite remember March anyways. As for what we were having I finally said "When we find out you will find out" She didn't get offended even though I am sure some people would, but people have to understand that you may be dealing with this not only from them but everyone else that thinks it is okay. I know it is only 5 more weeks and if you could handle it for 5 more weeks you wouldn't be posting about it. I would just politely say to her that you have been getting the rubbing of the belly a lot lately and you didn't mind it at first, but it makes you a little uncomfortable now. Hope it works out whatever you choose to go with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:17am

I don't have advice, since I haven't experienced this, but I agree with Jacquedia, that if you could handle it for another 5 weeks, you wouldn't be upset about it. I know my co-worker always got pissed at how when you are pregnant people just fly by those boundaries they would normally have. Its amazing. She was in a coffee shop one time with her DH and the person behind the counter had the balls to ask her if he was the father. and she had people coming up to her all the time. She hated being pregnant so she HATED people touching her belly. I feel for you.

I would just tell her that you are getting uncomfortable and would rather her not touch your belly.

Good Luck and KUP


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:21pm

Jay and Jessica,


Thanks for the advice. You are both right - if it didn't bother me, I wouldn't have posted here. I think since the most recent touching was just yesterday, it was still fresh in my mind.


Hopefully I'll have the guts to say something to her next time it happens!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 10:59am

i would definitely say something...just let her know that you were fine with it in the beginning but it's getting old, lol.

i've been lucky in that i've only had to deal with it from family (without asking permission)...i guess they figure since they're family, they're entitled. in those particular situations, i just sucked it up and dealt with it, BUT the difference there is that i was visiting for holidays and knew i would be going home and not seeing any of them again until after the baby comes. you've got 5 more weeks of this...it's obviously bothering you. pipe up! who knows, you might teach her a kind lesson and spare the uncomfortable feeling for future pregnant women in your office.

a little story that might make you feel better (it's long though, cuz i like storytelling, lol...just skip it if you don't feel like reading!). my MIL is a bit of an over-the-top personal space invader, especially as far as i'm concerned because she's always wanted a daughter and only has two sons. she gets on my nerves easily because she's very shallow and superficial, but i make nice because she's DH's mother and i want to keep the peace in the family. she hasn't made it easy.

anyway, we'd gone to the big sporting goods emporium place right there in town the saturday after xmas while we were visiting, and MIL attached herself to me the whole time we were there. ugh, i couldn't get rid of the woman. she followed me around like a lost puppy, and when i went and found DH to try and alleviate the awkwardness i was feeling, he disappeared again! HELLO, she's YOUR mother! anyway, that's not the story, lol. i digress. DH disappeared after i found him in the camping section. we were down the aisle with the camp stoves and enamelware, and i noticed that they had stainless steel coffee percolator pots (marketed for using on propane stoves and campfires, of course)...i've only been able to find them online (or the enameled ones in stores by me), so i was all excited, because i want one for my stovetop. love me some perc'd coffee. they even had them in smaller sizes, which is great since DH doesn't drink coffee. so i'm looking at these, my back to the rest of the aisle, when a salesguy comes down the aisle and makes a joking sales pitch about just having marked down the margarita machines.

well, this whackjob that supposedly birthed the man i married grabs my elbow and turns me around, then rubs my belly and says in this god-awful self-rightious how-dare-you tone (with the undertones of enjoying every second of it), "didn't you see THIS? she DOESN'T DRINK."

OMG. if there was a rock available, i would have tried to crawl under it. i seriously considered making a mad dash for the sleeping bag rack against the wall and hiding in between them. of course he didn't friggin see it, i had my back to him! and even if he DID, who the H-E-double-hockey-sticks are you to judge him for treating me like anyone else shopping there? maybe i would have bought it for a friend! maybe i just gained weight in general and it all went to my belly! maybe he wasn't even talking to me, maybe he was talking to you! WTF is wrong with you woman??? and, HOW DARE YOU show me off like some kind of trophy piece, you insipid beyotch?

maybe that's a little harsh, but i was so mortified at the time, and at that point i was so sick of talking about nothing but pregnancy and babies all holiday long, being the brunt of bad baby-related jokes insinuating my life is over beyond that of "mother", and generally losing my entire identity beyond "mother of the next baby in the family" with DH's family, that her drawing such obvious public attention to my pregnancy as though it was my only feature as a human being made me want to deck the woman.

i have to say, pregnancy has made me pretty irritable, lol.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 6:31pm
Even though it's only 5 weeks, that's 5 more potential encounters, right? I'm sorry that she feels she can rub your belly without you asking. When you see her coming toward your belly take a step back, it may be enough to give her the clue that you don't want to be touched. Or even just put your hand in your belly so it's it the way. I must unknowingly give off a look because I have friends, or close acquaintances go to touch my belly, then all of the sudden stop and say "is it okay?" I'm usually fine with it. I would draw the line with patients, but luckily haven't had that come up, yet.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 6:35pm
Carly, I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at your story. If that was my MIL I would have had a really hard time not saying something like, "that would be perfect for my nightly drink." But that's because I know if would get my MIL so tongue tied it would shut her up. Husbands are kind of clueless on how their MIL can get on their wife's nerves. Although my husband is finally somewhat getting it, but maybe it's that I'm just more vocal with MIL now.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 7:27pm

i suppose it is kind of amusing in retrospect, and somewhat infuriating, lol. i managed some weak quip about how i prefer my 'ritas on the rocks anyway, lol. i don't think my MIL heard it.

i wonder what she would have said if i'd told her that i had half a glass of wine the night before, after she, FIL, and BIL had gone back to their hotel.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 6:53pm

OMG Carly! I would've wanted to crawl under a rock too! Thank goodness for your sake you don't have to see your MIL often. It's funny because no one in my family (or DH's for that matter) has even attempted to touch my belly, or ask to touch it, yet I have to deal with co-workers who can't seem to keep their hands to themselves.


Heather - I have actually tried taking a step back when she caught me in the hall one

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 8:13pm
Maybe you just need to put a sign on your belly, "touch at your own risk" But she still might not get that.



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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 12:50pm

I cannot believe she did that!

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