hormonal meltdown?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
hormonal meltdown?
11
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 12:25pm

i hope so...otherwise, i am a horrible, awful, selfish person. i'm literally making MYSELF sick right now, thinking about it.

our friends (the ones who moved up north, we'll call them T and A...A is due with their first baby in early february) were supposed to come down this weekend for a family christmas party at A's aunt's house. they were going to come down tomorrow afternoon and spend the night at our place. the next morning she was going to use our kitchen to make a dish for her family christmas party that evening, and we were going to hang out while the boys went to the shop.

i got a call from DH this morning...T called to let him know that they weren't going to be coming down after all, because A had a seizure last night and is still in the hospital now. apparently her blood sugar was pretty much nonexistant, and they're not sure why...they're talking thyroid or brain tumors (GD has already been ruled out). my heart started pounding as soon as he told me, and then i had to hide in the ladies' room while i had a complete hormonal breakdown. at least i hope it was the hormones...

i'm certain my heart was pounding from genuine shock and worry for A and the baby. when he told me about it, it felt like the bottom of my stomach dropped out completely, and then my heart started pounding and i was completely speechless. but the breakdown and crying...i'm so ashamed to say that was 100% selfish. and i don't even really know WHY!!! i had to stop for a second and think about how i was feeling, why i was upset, and the best thing i can come up with is that i'm angry. angry? for what? that they're not coming down after all when i was really looking forward to it? ok, i haven't seen them since they moved away back in september, even though they've been in town four times since then, just never felt like staying an extra hour till i got out of work to grab dinner together. but it's not her fault she had a friggin seizure! it's not like she wanted this or planned it! i should be worried sick! (and i AM worried...she's had problems since about 14w with bleeding from TWO SCHs, and she was telling me earlier this week that she had blurry vision for a short while on sunday, which i'm reading can be a symptom of low blood sugar, so it's possible that this has been a problem for a while, which can be harmful to both her and the baby). so why the self-pity party? I'M not the one that had a seizure from low blood sugar, possibly from a condition that could be life-threatening to me or my unborn child.

oh i'm so angry with myself right now, and humiliated by this. i don't even want to tell DH about this, and i usually go to him first. what kind of a friend am i?

and then ever since the initial meltdown this morning, every last tiny little thing has set me off. i've been hiding in the bathroom probably 3 times so far this morning. typing this set me off again. i mean, it's been a rough week, but WTF??? i had to go have a cry over a group of coworkers going to lunch together, stopping to invite the girl next to me, but ignoring me. then i had to go have a cry when i was telling a coworker about A being in the hospital and wondering if we should go up to visit her this weekend if she's still in the hospital, or help out around the house if she's at home, and she said that her family will probably have that covered. (that was another selfish moment...it reminded me how far removed i am from literally everyone i know and love. but that was my choice, so i shouldn't be crying over it.)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? i hate this...that my first instinct is to be so self absorbed right now, when there are people i love that are really suffering. i feel so ugly.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 12:54pm

(((HUGS)))


You are obviously very emotional right now and that is totally understandable. Not only are you concerned about the health of your good friend and her baby, you are also driven by your pregnancy hormones.


Please don't judge yourself for how you feel. I am certain that your emotions do stem from genuine love and concern, but it's easy for emotions to get confused and anger misdirected when emotions are running so high.


Is there anyway you could just take the afternoon off work? If not, maybe just take a walk to try to clear your head a bit.


I'll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts to your friend and her baby.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 7:13pm

thanks cassie. i think i've evened out a little since this morning and early afternoon. still feeling like i've been hit by a train, but not crying at the drop of a pin any more. i'm thinking it might have been misplaced anger...i was upset and frustrated that i didn't know more and couldn't talk to her, so it manifested as me getting angry at the closest targets...her, my family, DH, coworkers, etc, and a lot of feeling sorry for myself. i'm still heartily ashamed of myself, but i'm not beating myself up about it as bad as i was.

i did get a chance to call my friend at the hospital earlier this evening...she's feeling ok, if somewhat freaked out (her poor husband...after i heard the story about how he found her unresponsive on the floor of their bedroom, breathing funny with a bloody nose from the impact when she rolled off the bed, he must still be shaking!). they still don't know why her blood sugar is dropping the way it is...they're pretty certain it's not relateed to the pregnancy, and "junior" is just fine. she's not really one to ask a lot of questions, she's content to let the doctors do their thing and trusts them to tell her what she needs to know, so she doesn't know a lot unfortunately. (drives me a little nuts, but that's not important...it's not me at the hospital right now.) her blood sugar was below 20 at 2am when she was seizing (i guess the EMTs checked it?), they got it back up, and then sometime after she'd eaten lunch, it had fallen down to 60 again, so the problem is still persisting.

she told me they're keeping her for another 24 hours to watch her, and then they're going to send her home with some kind of automated testing thing attached to her over the weekend, and then for two weeks after that she has to monitor her blood sugar with a meter before and after each meal, first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed, and she has to be really careful to eat at the same times every day and schedule in frequent snacks. after that...she doesn't know.

depending on how she's feeling, we're going to go up and visit/hang out on sunday, make them some dinner and give her hubby a break from taking care of her, and just generally lift her spirits. if she's not feeling up to it, we'll skip it. i didn't talk to her for very long, but she sounded happy to hear from me, and almost as though she was expecting me to call (we don't actually chat on the phone much...neither of us are real phone people.)

so that's where that stands. thanks so much again for your kind words to me, and for your P&PT for my friend.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 7:19pm

It definitely is pregnancy hormones. As you said, you were initially shocked and worried about your friend. I think the reason you are so upset is that this is a reminder to you how far away you are...and that is okay. You can feel sorry for yourself too! Don't beat yourself up about it tho.


I am embarrased myself. 2 weeks ago, I got hit from behind in an ice hockey game. It actually hurt so I got up and pushed the girl. My team yelled at me bc they didn't want me to take a penalty - they wanted this girl to get one so we could be one player up. I felt so stupid for needless pushing her (it didn't even budge her anyway)...that the whole time I sat in the box, I got worked up. Then when the penalty was up, I skated to the bench. Which was wrong, I was suppose to wait for the whistle. I was SO embarassed that I ran off to the dressing room and left the game. I was bawling my eyes out in the locker room by myself. The worst part is that I have to face these women every week after acting like such a baby :( And these aren't touchy feely women!


Hang in there and blame on the pregnancy!!


Hugs,


Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 9:30pm

yes, there's no such thing as touchy-feely hockey. ;)

i could totally see myself doing what you just described (or the equivalent, minus the hockey setting). gotta love the hormones.

i did 'fess up to DH a little earlier, and of course broke down again while i was doing it, and he just laughed and hugged me and held on to me while i was blubbering. and then i asked him why he wasn't telling me to stop being silly (which is usually a typical thing for him to say with something like this), and he said, "are you kidding? your doctor specifically told me that there would be times when you're purely hormonal and therefore not rational, and it would be in my best interest to just ride it out and wait for you to calm yourself down."

huh, i guess he really was listening. lol.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 12:08am

Gotta love the hormones eh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 8:21am

Carly, I am jumping on this thread a little late, but I wanted to say that I am glad that you talked with DH and your Friend. I am sure that helped. I know that my hormones are already starting to take off and be crazy, so I feel for you.

Sounds like your friend is okay, and I am glad they are having her text, a blood sugar of 20 is not good at all. DH's father (who is diabetic) had a seizure in front of us while we were camping and his blood sugar was down to 35 I think when the paramedics took it and that was after we had given him glucose tablets. It's scary, but now that they know what it is, she can track it and keep it up and will be fine.

Hang in there, don't be so hard on yourself. and I am really glad your DH had the reaction he did :) Gotta love our husbands right?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 6:43pm

thanks for the thoughts ladies. all the dwelling on the irrational anger yesterday is gone...thanks.

a quick update on my friend - they sent her home around 11:30 this morning with the monitoring plan i posted yesterday. she fell asleep on the couch sometime after lunch and crashed again...same thing, bloody nose (i guess that's NOT from hitting her face on the clock), irregular breathing, general unresponsiveness, only this time she was starting to turn blue. her husband called an ambulance again, and this time her blood sugar AND blood oxygen were extremely low. she's on 100% oxygen and just had an MRI that came back clean, so she's getting a CT scan now to check for clots in her lungs (which dosen't make any sense to me, since that shouldn't affect her blood sugar, but i'm not a doctor).

this is so scary. her husband must be completely beside himself...I'M beside MYSELF! i want to be able to DO something, but i can't obviously...just wait for updates from her husband. this is awful. very, very bad. i'm guessing the baby is ok...i forgot to ask when i talked to him.

i don't know what to do. i think i might go crazy.

please, P&PT for them?








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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 9:57pm
Hugs Carly! I hope your friend gets better very soon and that she and the baby will be ok!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 10:28pm

another update...the CT scan showed fluid in her lungs as though she has pneumonia, but unlike any kind of pneumonia the docs at that hospital have seen (straight from her husband). they're airlifting her to a different hospital as i type this, 5 hours away. i'm not sure exactly which one...either a hospital in marshfield WI, or one of the marshfield clinics in WI. her husband seemed in a bit of a rush as he was hitting to road to drive down there, so i didn't keep him.

i guess visiting is out. i doubt they'd let me see her anyway, if she has pneumonia, for both my safety and hers. but to me, this is looking more and more like her february baby is coming before christmas.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 7:05am
Carly, that sounds really scary. I hope both your friend and her unborn baby will come out of this situation alright. Keep us posted how she's doing! Sending P&PTS her way.

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