Need to whine

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Need to whine
7
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 12:05pm

Sorry ladies, I've been fighting this need since Saturday, and I'm loosing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
In reply to: mandmleona
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 12:25pm

Oh Hun, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this right now. (((((HUGS))))) I am sure that your DH will come around and be there and be your coach. Whine, vent, cry, whatever you need to here, that's what we are here for!!

I won't give advice, because it sounds like that's not what you need, but if you want any ideas let us know! We are here for you. Hang in there.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: mandmleona
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 12:30pm

Oh, Leona - I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone right now :( (((hugs))) to you. Please don't ever feel bad about "whining" (which this definitely isn't!) about anything! That's what these boards are for.

If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason why your DH doesn't want to be there during the delivery? Does he get queasy when it comes to blood/etc., or is it something else?

I know my DH is nervous about being in the delivery room because he has a hard time with blood/needles/etc..





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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
In reply to: mandmleona
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 4:31pm
Aww Leona! I'm sorry your DH is so uncomfortable with the idea of the birth. Personally, I think this is one situation in which it is okay to insist--after all, you are growing this baby and have to push it out, the least he can do is be there with you. And honestly, I think after you had the baby, he will be glad that he was there to see it take it's first breath. (((HUGS))) Good luck with whatever you decide.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: mandmleona
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 12:37pm
Leona, I totally understand you.
My DH was like that at first. But then I told him very firmly that I NEEDED him there, and that if I had to go through the pain and effort of labor and pushing, he had to be a man, suck it up and be there for me.
Of course in the part where I told him I needed him, I told him how much I loved him, how much he helped me to calm down in stressful situations and that he was really my "anchor", you know? They need to know how important they are for us.
However, if your guy is one of those who actually faint or get sick at the sight of blood... you might want to reconsider, because he might be a real problem and cause more stress to you and the medical staff. There are men who are really traumatized by the birth experience, and I'm sure that's not what you want.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
In reply to: mandmleona
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 1:08pm

Leona--(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are having to go through this. My DH insists he will be in the waiting room passing out cigars while I have a baby. I'm not even pregnant yet, and we've already had fights about this. I think a big part of it is his fear and his not wanting to see me in pain. Through all of the IF stuff, though, he's been with me even when he really didn't want to be.

Hopefully as it becomes more real for him, like when he can see the changes in your body/belly or when he can feel baby's movements from the outside, he will start to come around. I hope you will get the wonderful birth experience you deserve, with your DH by your side.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
In reply to: mandmleona
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 3:34pm

Thanks for the support, ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: mandmleona
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 4:13pm

I'm so sorry, Leona. It sounds like he will be really tough to convince. I was kind of flabbergasted when you said that his family are the type to just leave a vomiting child alone - no wonder he doesn't want to be in the delivery room.

Have you watched any movies about birth with him (like The Business of Being Born) or anything? Maybe if he saw what it was really like --- beautiful, not gross --- he would feel more at ease? I think that's awful that he has such an insecurity about the topic "vagina" even coming up. I mean, clearly he's okay with sex, so you'd think it would translate to him being okay with related things.

I know I've had to convince DH to be in the room with me, but that's because he gets queasy with blood/needles/etc.. I was pretty worried about me having to help HIM instead of the other way around!! But, he was *really* great during my m/c, and he feels more confident that he can deal with a birth now. I think it's because he'll be so focused on what's going on with me, and trying to help me, that he won't be thinking about how "gross" it is, you know? Maybe that line of approach will work.

((hugs)) to you - it is a tough spot to be in. On one hand you want him there because he's your husband, the father of your child. But, I could see not wanting him there either, so you don't have to worry about what he's doing/thinking. I hope you guys can figure something out that will be the best for both of you (but especially for you! LOL).





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