Rant!- my delivery options

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Rant!- my delivery options
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 5:48pm

So, Last tuesday I had the 3rd and 4rth pre natal classes. Not going well... I think the instructor has something against me.. granted, I've made a few little funny comments here and there, but nothing disrispectful, and never during the intense reaxation moments.... Watever, she's always asking me if I understood this or that, if I have any doubts, if I'm relaxed enough..... Maybe she's very intuitive and senses what I really think about her class



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2007
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 6:25pm

OMG I'm so angry on your behalf just reading that! What's with all the moving rooms? And surely if you don't consent to an episiotomy carrying one out would be assault. Oh yeah, and you'll prize my husband from my cold dead hands! Grr.

Is there any chance you could get a doula? A good doula should be able to advocate for you on things like making sure DH is there and ensure no procedures you're not 100% happy with are carried out.

Hope you get things sorted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 10:29pm

Oh Mari,

What a mess! I would be angry too...its like you have this cookie-cutter routine for every woman and baby. I don't blame you for being frustrated at all. I hope your OB has some answers for you and your DH gets more on board with everything too. Hang in there, and lots of hugs!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 8:34am
Some of those practices sound outdated...is the women up to date on all her info?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 10:51am

Mari - that sounds so so awful! I was getting so angry when I was reading it. I couldn't believe it! I mean seriously, take DH out of the room and only let him back in when you are crowning. What's the point then for him going through the darn classes?

I would definitely be talking to your OB and see what he says and Like other ppl said if you don't consent to an episiotomy, they can't give you one right?

Good Luck and hang in there!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 11:05am


Big (((HUGS))) chica! I'm so sorry for this frustration.

I agree with the PP if you can find a doula that will vouch for your needs during labor. Or, would you be willing to do a homebirth? You'd still have to find a MW that would do one but that way, you won't have anyone telling you what you and your DH can and can't do!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 11:51am

Wow, I can't even imagine how frustrated you must be right now! I've never heard of such a regimented approach to childbirth in this day and age (even in "standard" hospital births), and I have certainly never heard of the husband being kicked out of the room at certain (critical) points.

As other people have suggested, if you could engage a doula who could support you throughout the labour and birth, that may be very helpful.

Hopefully, the conversation with your OB will help considerably as well. If you explain to him what things are important to you and why (for example, being able to move to stay comfortable and encourage the progression of labour; having your husband there for constant support), I can't imagine that he will think you're being difficult.

And as for DH, perhaps he just needs some more help understanding why things are important to you, as well. For example, if he really understands that transition is the most difficult part of labour (as I hear it can be) and you don't want to go through it alone...how could he say "no" to that?

I wish you the best of luck in getting some extra support in place and getting some of those "rules" bent or massaged before the big day!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 12:27pm
wow...it sounds like she's taking her lectures verbatim from a 1950s nursing textbook.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 3:13pm

There is NO way that epis could be mandatory!!! Wouldn't there be lawsuits galore??? I had a VACUUM delivery with NO tearing at all. It is possible to deliver a baby without tearing - so no, a cut is not better than tearing! I would be absolutely livid if anyone tried to cut me for no reason.

Our hospital does move the patient though. When I arrived, I was quite progressed but everyone in the hospital acted like we had all the time in the world! I had done pre-admittance but they had me wait in the admittance cubicle for 20 mins...then when I got upstairs I was put in a "dorm" room - 6 beds all lined up next to each other (WTF? This is a personal thing, I don't want someone sitting in a bed next to me!!). Luckily all the other beds were unoccupied. I was checked and told, "you are only 7 cms - lots of time". I told her I disagreed and that I needed some privacy to have my baby. I was told, "oh - we will be moving you into a delivery room when we get one available". One of the LD nurses was using the room to watch VIDEOS...I gave her the evil eye in the hallway. I proceeded to TRY to tell someone that I was going to have this baby and everyone kept reassuring me we had plenty of time and COMPLETELY ignoring me. I was checked 10 mins later just to appease me - and I was 9.5 cm dilated.

I had the baby within 45 mins of arriving at the hospital but they acted like we had hours. That might be case for most ppl but don't treat us all the same!

That is my rant about hospitals - even in Canada. The LD nurses were talking c-section bc they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Luckily I went too quickly for that to be an option.

I have to say that we think we've progressed - and we have with lots of options - but it still has a long way to go. Or maybe we should try going back to homebirths...grrr..

Let us know what the OB says,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 8:48pm
I was the same way with my childbirth class. I knew that what they described as relaxation and breathing wasn't what my body would need. I did however have one nurse of the dozens I had that tried to tell me I wasn't breathing correctly during a contraction. I almost punched her and said "I'll breath however the f I want b." Luckily she was only in the room for a few mins:)
It sounds like those birth instructions are her story, and the best would be to just talk with your doctor about it. They never told me that I would end up like Rachel on "Friends" and go through probably a dozen nurses during labor. Nothing ever goes exactly how they tell you in class anyway.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 12:33am

Shut Up!!!! It's not possible that things could still be so archaic!! I hope that your OB tells you that woman has old info!! That is SO CRAZY!!!

What are patient rights like there? I know in the US we have the right to refuse any treatment (like an epesiotomy#, regardless of how much our Doc pushes it. Moving you from room to room & not being able to have DH with you is ridiculous!! You definitely have to get to the bottom of that stuff.

Your DH has no clue.... it's not his fault, really. He's got no idea of what it'll be like for you.