Keep hoping, or let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Keep hoping, or let go?
2
Tue, 06-05-2012 - 10:01am
Hi all,
I wasn't quite sure where to post this, so I hope this is the right place.
As some of you will know I'm hoping to add a third baby to my family at some point. DH however is very certain that he is "done".
I just don't know what to do. My baby fever is at an all time high, especially since Bo just turned one. It seems to be even worse than before we TTC him! But - I don't want to push DH or override his decision. I want him to be fully on board. Only I don't think he'll ever be; I don't know if anyone remembers but when we decided to TTC #2 we went back and forth, and he even said he'd changed his mind and didn't want a second one half way through cycle 1 (yes, just before I O'd!). On the other hand, when I think about how I'll never have a baby again it makes me want to cry and tears me apart inside.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, I have two perfect boys who I love with all my heart and a great DH and a happy marriage. But we just do not agree on this; and I can't see any compromise in this matter. So should I hold on to my hopes and try to convince him? Or respect his decision and let go of my dream?
Has anyone got any experiences to share? I have to say I'm so jealous of those of you who have children -wanting DHs. But I know some others had to do some convincing, too.
Any advice or thoughts on this would be appreciated; I feel so upset about this at the moment and can't stop thinking about it and think I need to move on one way or the other!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 2:09am

Anna,

I know I'm late on this conversation but wanted to share my experience.  After DS#2 was born, DH said we were done.  I said I wasn't sure.  He actually had a meeting with a urologist about a V, but I refused to sign the paperwork.  We were continuing to discuss the possibility of #3, when the decision was taken out of our hands.  I O'd early and our precious daughter came to be.  We both agreed during my pregnancy with her that for health reasons, we had to be done.  DH had a vasectomy.  But now, 3 years after she was born, we have decided we want #4.  We are trying to figure out the details on how we are going to make that happen, but we are getting there. 

So sometimes, time is all it takes to solve your dilemma. I've seen a quote that I think is applicable - Never let go of a dream that you cannot go a day without thinking about it.  (Might not be exact, but that's the gist.)  Good luck in figuring out what your future holds!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 7:28am
I just wanted to say that we are in the exact same position but I am not worrying:smileyhappy: Today DH asked if I wanted to sell the co-sleeper and I said no we might use it for a third and he said but I told you I don't want a third and I am sure. I let him know that a lot can change in the next few years and that we agreed to not come to any final decision for at least a year.

Honestly I want the third spaced even further apart (ideally about 3 years from now) and I really believe that as things get easier and easier that DH will be willing to consider a third. Right now the flat is full of baby stuff, I am tired, everything isn't getting done like normal,etc so it is easy for me to understand why he can't consider a third but in a year or two when both boys are talking, walking, etc and everything is easier I imagine he will be more open to considering it.

My plan is to not bring it up but also be honest when people ask or we talk about it, and then in 2 years to start bringing it up more intensely. I had to convince him about #2 and I know it will be the same for #3 but I really see us having three children and I am just going to continue to think positively and envision our family how I see it. I think you should also just give it some time and hopefully in a year or two he will feel differently!
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