Abortion--Has your opinion changed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Abortion--Has your opinion changed?
69
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 2:02pm

That's right, I'm going to open up this one, LOL. I wasn't sure where to post it--fun and games was a definite no, LOL.

I'll give my answer to clarify my question.

When I was 16 and had sex for the first time, basically until I met DH, the plan if I got PG was to have an abortion. I knew I wasn't ready to raise a child, end of discussion.

However, when I became a vegetarian and then became vegan, the idea of valuing life seemed to grow in me. Now I try to save ants that I squish accidentally, and obviously this whole TTC journey has impacted me enough that I would say that I would never get an abortion--which is all well and good. The problem I'm having is even though I believe in a women's right to choose, I would have a VERY hard time supporting someone I care about (a best friend, one of my sisters, etc) who wanted to get an abortion. I just know I would try to talk them out of it, and I'm sure that isn't what someone in that position needs. So I guess I've come pretty far over to the "right to lifers" side.

But something else happened yesterday morning that REALLY REALLY struck me. I'm not sure if you guys are following, but basically some guy killed a doctor who performed late-term abortions, and he argued that it was to save a life, and basically the supreme court considered this argument pretty heavily, and at first I was like, WTF, they can't really be buying this "saving a life thing", but then, in talking with DH, I realized that late-term abortions means, well, pretty late.

Basically, babies have a chance of survival if born past about 22 weeks gestation, and if you hit 28 weeks, the survival rate is QUITE high (90%). So basically it sort of hit me that I'm not sure it should be called an "abortion" if the baby could otherwise LIVE if it wasn't KILLED. Yeah, kind of crazy.

So I guess at this point I was like, Damn, I hope the supreme court decides in that guys favor--not because I think it was right of him to kill that doctor, but because I believe that fetal life is a "human life" if it could otherwise survive on its own. And, I would sure love it if a supreme court decision basically illegalized LATE TERM abortions.

At this point I would say I am COMPLETELY against abortion after 20 weeks, and I think if someone wants to get an abortion, they should HAVE to get it in the first trimester, maybe with a few weeks leeway, or they have to see the pregnancy through. But, within the first trimester window, I still support a woman's right to choose (though, like I said, my "support" in a real life situation would probably not be that great!)

What do you guys think? Has your opinion changed since you were young, or since TTCing/being pregnant/having kids?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 2:24pm

Nope still extremely pro-choice. I really don't think anyone but the parents and doctor should be making a choice about abortion, and that includes late term abortion.

It is not a choice I would personally make, but I support other right to make that choice. I can honestly say I don't see ever having an abortion and if we ended up accidentally pregnant, well I always wanted a large family. That is my choice though. I support the rights of others to make the choice that is best for them, even if it isn't the choice I would make and even if it is an abortion done after 20 weeks of pregnancy.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 2:28pm

My opinion has changed slightly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 2:38pm

"However, the guy who killed a doctor in the name of saving lives, should still be charged with murder...."

I agree, and yet with the Supreme Court it always means "more" . . . if they convict the guy it basically means that it's NOT "infant murder" which I agree with you that it feels like to me . . . my two nieces were born 3 months premature and it is CRAZY to me that if their Mom had decided to "abort them" she could have just had them killed instead of now being alive, and five . . . idk, abortion is a really tough issue.

Sarah--I totally respect your opinion even though my heart won't go along . . . hehe. I guess if parents don't have a right to kill their babies after being born, why can they kill them before being born? Idk. I feel like it is a completely different issue if the baby isn't viable on its own and wouldn't use the word "kill" when referring to a 8 weeks old fetus, but can't help feeling that is the word for babies who could, otherwise, live.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 3:05pm

I haven't read any of the other responses. But I am definitely pro-choice and here's why.

I was like you, before I got married I was like, depending on how things go, I would probably get an abortion, but I knew that I wouldn't make that decision until it happened. I was lucky that it didn't ever happen. However that being said, it's not my place to say that this woman or that woman can't have one. I honestly feel that even if we outlaw it, women are still going to do it. I DON"T however agree with the women that use it for birth control. I agree for the women that don't have a safe place to be pregnant, raise a child, if it's a pregnancy from rape, or something like that, or if for medical reasons it needs to be done.

That being said, I still agree with late term abortions ONLY in the sense that if the mother's life is in danger would it be appropriate.

I worked in the same building as an abortion clinic when I was in college and it was awful being harassed every day by people that were there to "Save my baby" ANY woman they saw leave that building (Even though there were plenty of other businesses/ nonprofits in that building) they harassed them. It was awful. How dare you judge me when you don't even know if I am pregnant or not! (Sorry I get a little upset, but respect people who are polite and knowledgeable about the subject). I don't agree with people thinking they are "Saving a life" by taking a life. I have never understood that. Why not educate the people, or figure out others ways to end abortion. Killing people is not the answer.

I respect everyone's opinion as long as they don't force theirs on me. My best friend and I are on absolute opposite ends of this and still co-exist and just agree to disagree.

Great Topic Adrienne and I totally respect your opinion. :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 3:09pm

Okay, So I have to chime in here on this one as well, mostly because I see the same gut reaction I had to late term abortions until I actually read about the abortions that the doctor was doing. While the fetuses were technically in the viable period, many of them had severe abnormalities/cancers/etc. that was incompatible with life outside of the womb. In order to perform the late-term abortions you needed 2 different doctors to certify that it was medically necessary, either because of abnormalities, or because of risk to the mother's life/sanity. Many of the women in his office didn't ever think they would be aborting their baby, and were devastated that they were... I just want to remind people that the issue was not so cut and dried...

Look at http://www.esquire.com/features/abortion-doctor-warren-hern-0909 and http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/another-memory-visiting-dr-tiller and this http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/grieving-late-term-abortion-third-account.

I know that the above stories made me cry, and also made me hope that I would never have to deal with a situation like the ones described. The difficulty is always in the shades of grey. I'm generally pro-choice, because I don't feel like I can make those sorts of decisions for someone else, even if I wouldn't choose that way myself. It's not my place. But I hope that I'm never faced with a choice like the women above were, because I don't know what choice I would make, or how well I would live with it.

 




Edited 1/29/2010 3:11 pm ET by jennik1979


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 3:44pm
Jenni, thanks for posting this. I was looking for actual stories about this but I couldn't find any (just heard about it on the radio). I haven't read them yet but I will do so now--my opinion really hinges on the "viability" thing--I can understand having a late term abortion if there is 0 chance of the baby living more than a day or so, even if it was full-term. I know there are some genetic abnormalities that fall into that situation and I wouldn't even call that an "abortion"--but I guess it is. Really good point to bring up!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 4:01pm

If anything, having a baby has made me feel even stronger about my pro-choice stance. Knowing what a responsibility, huge commitment, sometimes-not-all-roses-and-unicorns, completely life changing event having a baby is... I feel even stronger that women should be given the right to choose. The alternative for many is to raise a baby in a situation that is not good for baby or mom... which can often lead to child abuse, neglect, poverty, etc... and I know it seems easy to say "just choose adoption", but it isn't that easy for some - in many cultures, giving your baby up for adoption is not accepted or even allowed by family/elders.

For me, the abortion issue should come down to a discussion about a woman's/family's choice - *that's it*. It makes NO DIFFERENCE what *I* would do, or what *I* think Jane Doe should do, it's an extremely personal, difficult decision either way, and it's one that only the woman herself can make. It scares me to the core to think about what would/will happen if SCOTUS overturns Roe v. Wade... but I suspect that the overall impact would be more - not less - loss of life.

(BTW, interesting question, Adrienne. I'm always up for a little healthy controversy! ;-)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 4:34pm

I have always been very pro-choice. Like Eliza said, it such a personal decision. And I was thinking along the same lines as Jenny - I automatically thought of Tri18 when I read what Adrienne wrote.


I have changed my mind about my own situation. I once got a bunch of BFPs at 21 while I was with a new BF and unemployed. I knew instantly that I would never abort. Turned out they were false positives.


Now, I realize again that I would not even abort a Tri18 baby or baby with abnormalities unless it posed a very serious threat to my health. That view has changed as I age.


I find it very sad that this doctor's death is being pushed under the rug for this issue. Even if he *were* committing complete infant suicides - this man chose to take the law into his own hands. That I do NOT support in any way shape or form. And look - turns out he was doing what he and OTHER doctors thought was medically necessary - how sad! The case before the court should be whether or not these infants were murdered...not whether this doctor's murder was justified :(


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 4:46pm
Dee - I completely agree. His murder is not justifiable.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 4:49pm
"I still agree with late term abortions ONLY in the sense that if the mother's life is in danger would it be appropriate."



i agree with pretty much everything you said jess, ESPECIALLY this.



i've always been pro-choice, mostly because i don't feel it's my place to tell women what they can and can't do with their own bodies. i don't like the idea of abortions as birth control, but that's a shade of grey you really can't legislate (unfortunately). as is needing a medical reason to have a late-term abortion.



i don't think i'd ever have one myself. of course i can't say for sure since i've never been put in that situation, but i just can't see being ok with that, especially in my current situation in life (adult, on my own, stable, etc).



i also totally think that guy should be charged with murder. whatever his reasoning was, he still committed murder himself, premeditated and everything. two wrongs don't make a right.







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