Am I just being too sensitive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Am I just being too sensitive?
5
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:37pm

Many of you know that we lost DH's nephew to an accidental gunshot wound a couple of months ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:59pm

If they are going to use the MN as a first name... why not just use it as a first name.

DS is named after XH's late father... but he had been dead 10+ years when DS came along. I think there is a certain mourning period that should be observed before using a name.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 2:18pm

I agree with Kate, I don't think you are being too sensitive....there is just a certain amount of time that I think should pass before doing that.

We looked at names for our LO from all the deceased grandparents, great grandparents etc, but they have been all dead for years. I would just think how hard it would be for the parents of your nephew who passed to have that name spoken all the time, but that's just me.









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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 2:20pm

I think it depends on the culture--I know in the Jewish culture you ALWAYS name a new baby after a recently deceased relative--but often that is only using the same first initial, not the whole name.

Since the expectant parents are so young, they might not have the life experience to put what happened at a distance enough to realize that this is a legacy that will follow their new child (and the parents and family of your lost nephew) forever. Death is really hard to deal with and it sounds like these young people are just dealing with it any way they can--or maybe they even feel obligated to use the name at this point.

I would say it is up to their parents (the grandparents-to-be) to help them understand the impact this could have on the family. I think the idea of using it as a middle name is nice, but I agree that if they plan to call him another name, THAT should be his first name.

KUP!

Silly Expecting Siggy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 9:33am
I think I can answer that!
My own son is called José Federico after DH's BIL, another Federico, who died 3 1/2 years before he was born. This guy was like a blood brother to my DH, and actually I came up with the idea of naming him like that. And although "Federico" is his middle name, we like it better and use the shortened version "Fede".
When we told the family our name choice, some were a little weirded out. But we, the parents, felt fine with it, so we kept our choice. Sometimes, when we say his name out loud, we remember the previous Fede, but most times, and specially as our baby develops his own personality more and more, his name is becoming a new and unique "Fede"
I don't knw if that made any sense, but it's hard to put into words.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 10:40pm

Thanks, Mari, for sharing your perspective.