Broken hearted

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Broken hearted
18
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 7:40pm

This may be long, but I just need to get it out. We had to put Thor, our big loving English mastiff, to sleep this morning.

When we got home from our trip last Thursday night, Thor just wasn't acting like himself and his belly was even more distended. Our dog-sitter (who is my friend and co-worker) said he hadn't eaten much all week. We went to our regular vet first thing Friday morning and they found he had fluid in his abdomen, but they weren't sure why (he didn't fit well on their x-ray table to do more films). So we took him home and he wouldn't get out of the truck bed, so I sat with him until it was time to take him to the emergency vet in the afternoon.

They did an ultrasound when we got there and found he had fluid around his heart caused by a tumor, so they drained the fluid and we made plans for surgery to put in a permanent internal drain this week. Well, he wasn't doing better on Saturday, so we took him back and they drained more fluid from around his heart and 5 liters of fluid from his belly. I worked Saturday night, worrying about him all night.

By the time I woke up Sunday afternoon, it was clear to me that we were not going to make it to surgery on Tuesday. My DH though was still optimistic and didn't even want to talk about the options. He called me at work to tell me that Thor was restless and searching the house for me--he went to lay down in the guest room where I sleep on the weekends and next to my side of the bed in our bedroom. I knew his restlessness wasn't a good sign. DH had to rush him to the emergency vet on Sunday night while I was at work, and he said the poor guy was barely breathing when he got there. They were able to get him back and drained more fluid from around his heart. DH let me know what was going on, and I left work to be with him. Our dog-sitter (who calls our dogs her boyfriends and is very attached to them) met me at the hospital and sat with me for a bit. Then I went home to try and sleep a little before DH and I would go back this morning. I gave Thor strict instructions to hang on until we got back. Of course, I couldn't sleep and ended up making some homemade modeling clay to take a pawprint.

So we cried the whole drive over and sat with the big lovebug of a dog to say goodbye. I laid down on the floor with him like I used to do, and he gave me a few last kisses. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to get up to get the vet to tell her we were ready to put him to sleep. She came in and gave him the meds while she cried right along with us. He went to sleep peacefully with his head in my arms.

I know it was the right decision because he was suffering, but I still feel like I failed him in some way. I can't stop thinking that if we'd caught it sooner, maybe surgery could have saved him. But he was an old man, and just grew tired of fighting. He was a happy playful dog for the 6 years we were lucky enough to have him in our lives. That's how I need to try to remember him, and I'm sure I will in time, but right now it just hurts so much that he's not here.

I think what made it even harder was seeing my poor DH so upset. He cried more today than I've ever seen him cry in the 10 years I've known him, more than with the death of my grandparents or even his grandfather. He left today on a business trip, even though he wanted to cancel it so I wouldn't be home alone. We both decided it would be better if we both stayed busy. The house just seems so empty with both him and Thor not here.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: nitecort74
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 10:42am

Cort -

I'm so sorry. I know that you did the right thing. {{HUGS}}


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
In reply to: nitecort74
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 11:17am

Cortney,


Your post brought tears to my eyes. I grew up with two dogs and we had to put one of them to sleep when she was only 6 or 7 years old

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2009
In reply to: nitecort74
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:41pm
I am so sorry for your loss. My cat is about to turn 11 in June and is diabetic and I know it's a real possibility that she won't live past 13. I know how hard it is when your animal is sick and you feel like you should have done more, but sometimes these things happen and you made him comfortable and he died the way I'm sure he would have preferred to die, in your arms.






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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: nitecort74
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 1:56pm
(((HUGS))) Cortnery, I'm so very sorry about Thor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
In reply to: nitecort74
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:47am
I am so sorry for you, Cortney. I am sure you did the best you could for Thor, and you can take comfort in having given him a painless goodbye with his loved ones present.
My dog is getting older now too, she is 12 now, and I dread the day she passes away. She is my first dog so I haven't ever experienced what you have, but I can imagine what it must feel like and my heart really goes out to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: nitecort74
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:04am
Oh, Cortney... I'm so sad for you... As you probably know, I'm also suffering from the loss of my furry friend...
Keep in mind that you loved him till the end, and clearly he knew it. (((hugs)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
In reply to: nitecort74
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 11:47am

Thanks everyone for your words of support! I can feel the love coming from the computer with each of your messages.

It's been a week of ups and downs. Sometimes I still can't believe he's not here. I keep including him when I talk to our other dog. This is truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
In reply to: nitecort74
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 9:54pm

I am so sorry Cortney! I lost my sweet doggie several years ago and the pain of his passing is still with me. I think all our loving sweet pets stay within our hearts forever. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Sending you very big hugs!!!




Edited 4/26/2010 10:01 pm ET by jrosehistory

Kathleen is 2 years old

Happliy married to Geoff for the past five years

Expecting baby #2 in June 2013!

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