Child Spacing - Kim and other BTDT

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Registered: 08-24-2005
Child Spacing - Kim and other BTDT
9
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 1:28pm

Kim, I just realized that you have your kids roughly 2 years apart, like I plan to. And also that you are TTC your fourth... I also wish I can have 4 babies some day. So my question is:

How is it working for you??

I've been told that I'm crazy, that 2 years is too soon, that 4 kids is too much, that I'll go insane, bla, bla....
Thoughts??

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Registered: 01-02-2009
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:10pm

Hey Mari,

I did that sort of spacing with my first two. I wanted it that way this time, but DH was content with two kids especially since he didn't think we would ever have a baby boy. Anyway it isn't too much more difficult going from one to two. I think when someone waits too long they feel really guilty because it has been their first baby by themselves for so long. Also I think the child gets really use to having all the attention. I wanted a playmate for my DD so I thought 2 years was a great amount of time. It gave my first a good amount of time with us, but not too much to get too spoiled. I had people telling me it was too soon, but I knew what was best for us. I know that people say going from 2 to 3 is difficult because now you are outnumbered, but I won't really know until I get there. I say take it as it comes and you will know when you have another whether you can handle another or if you need to wait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:14pm

Not Kim, but Desmond and Eloise are 23 months apart so right in the age range you are asking about, and I would love to have 4 or 5, though we're likely stopping after number 3.

How is it working for you??

For us it has been tough. Desmond was still so little when Eloise was born, it was tough to deal with both a toddler and a newborn at the same time. It started getting better around 6 months in, when Eloise became more interactive and as Desmond grew and matured. I would do it again, but we are going for a 3 yearish spacing next time due to other reasons, though having a slightly longer spacing will be nice, since they are so much more independent at almost 3 then at almost 2. To be fair though it would probably be easier next time either way since Desmond and Eloise can keep each other entertained now, which would help a lot when dealing with a newborn as well.

I've been told that I'm crazy, that 2 years is too soon, that 4 kids is too much, that I'll go insane, bla, bla....
Thoughts??

Children are hard no matter how many you have and how close they are. I think everyone should do what is best for themselves as regards to how many they have and the age spread. That being said, it was really tough those first few months with a newborn and just turned 2 year old.




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Registered: 05-24-2007
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:18pm

Mari-

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 3:02pm

Well, my Mom is a BTDT in every way--

First they had me, and didn't start TTCing for my sister until I was at least 3 or 3 1/2.

My sister was born when I was almost 5, but then my mom got PG with my next sister when my first sister was only 6 months old (so, 15 month spacing). At first she was devastated--they weren't trying, etc. But then, my grandfather died four days before my sister was born, and my Mom felt like it all happened the way it was supposed to, and she wouldn't question it again. So when my second sister was 9 months old, and she got PG with my third sister, she just went with it.

So there is almost 5 years between me and my sister,
then 15 months between her and my next sister,
then 18 months between her and my last sister.

My Mom said it was hardest going from 1 to 2, even though went she went from 2 to 3, there was a child, a toddler, and an infant. She said adding my last sister in didn't even seem to matter.

So I feel like it is about learning to split your time--once you do it with 2, it is not too different to add in more kids. Plus, like Sarah was saying, they play with each other, so it changes.

Though my Mom wouldn't have chosen the spacing she got, she ended up loving it, and now says she couldn't imagine it being any other way. My three sisters played really well together, and I think my Mom ended up enjoying being "done" sooner.

My take away lesson from all of this is that I plan on having two close together, then waiting awhile before having three and four, also close together. So I'm thinking of 18 months between 1 and 2, 3-4 years between 2 and 3, and then 18 months between 3 and 4, but I guess it all depends on how well my fertility cooperates the next, and subsequent, times around.

:-P


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 3:52pm

Not Kim... but I'll chime in as well.

My X and I had planned on having a 2.5 to 3 year spacing between kids, but then he left when DS was 14 months... so that was out.

DF and I are looking to TTC late May, so there will be about a 7 year age gap between DS and baby #2. I agree w/ what one of the previous posters said about the oldest sibling being an only for so long, etc.

HOWEVER I do strongly feel that no matter how you decide to space your children there is no guarantee you will get what you are looking for. And by this I mean there is no guarantee on spacing nor on how they will interact with each other.

My mom/dad had 4 biological children. I am the oldest, then I have 3 brothers: 18 months, 36 months and 9 years younger than me. Growing up and to this day me nor my other 2 brothers got along with the oldest brother. There was/is just something about his personality that we all clashed with. The 2 youngest of my brothers were always very close, despite their 6 year age gap. And I was always the "odd man" out because I was the only girl (until my cousin 3 months older than me) came to live with us in HS. My cousin and I have/are close... more so than I am with my brothers, but that seems to be more a "girl thing".

So what I am trying to say, is not to stress it and don't worry what other people think. Trust your motherly instinct (which we all know is working very well ;-) ) and go with the flow in regards to your 2nd, 3rd or more babies.

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Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 4:54pm

I feel so special to have been called out ;-)


Anyway, my first was unplanned.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 12:57pm

Hi Mari!


I hope you don't mind me jumping in, but I wanted to share my experiences with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:14pm
Thanks Moms!!!
Your personal stories were really interesting. I feel a little less nuts about wanting a large family and close spaced kids!! :)
I have to admit though, that after the hellish past days, I really need some time to feel any kind of baby fever! But I'm sure that will come in due time!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 7:44pm
Yeah Mari, idk if you are SUPPOSED to want another baby yet! LOL But yeah it will definitely come in time. ;-)

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