Date nights

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Date nights
11
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 8:34pm
Does anyone else have a hard time getting their DH to schedule date nights?

We were supposed to have one last month but had to cancel since DH ended up having to go overseas. Haven't gotten around to it this month yet either. Our last date night was in May. :-(

I've brought it up a few times this week and DH just keeps saying "there's always next month". Date nights really help me reconnect with DH but unless I do all the planning, they don't happen. As a result, we didn't go on a date until Selin was 6 months old and we've only had ONE overnight without her since she was born!

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Avatar for thesunshinekid
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2001
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 11:43pm
Girl. I feel you. DH is really bad about date nights. And if I don't plan them or push them, they don't happen. Since we don't live near family, we haven't had an overnight in about five years. Not kidding.

We went out a few weeks ago, and that was the first time in forever. It's only since DS is really old enough to manage DD for a few hours that we can get away consistently at all.

Jules - Happily married and Momma to DS, DD and expecting our Caboose Baby 11/24/2012


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 3:35am
Oh gosh that sounds awful :smileysad:

DH was actually just mentioning that he thinks it is great that we hired 2 new babysitters for during the week as then we have 4 on rotation so to speak and are almost guranteed to be able go out any night we please. So clearly we are at the other end of the spectrum. LOL

How was it before Selin? For us we went out a lot before Teddy so it was really high on our priority list. Have you talked to DH about how much it means to you? Have you asked what his reasoning is for being so hesitant- money, time,etc? Because maybe then you could come up with a specific plan of attack to deal with that worry...

I hope you figure something out! :smileyhappy:
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 11:32am

We're kinda in the same boat but don't yet have a babysitter, so we have not had a date night since Anu was born.  It took us almost 3 months before we DTD again.    DH keeps saying we need to keep our relationship new, but he doesn't really make an effort to plan either.  Actually, it's hard enough sometimes just asking him to watch Anu if I need to go out and have some "me" time.

Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: sandyc299
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 4:59pm

We haven't one in a few months but money is tight so it's expensive for us to go out and also pay a sitter. So I haven't even brought it up. I think the last one we went on was in early June when we went to a work event. There might be a church event coming up soon that we would have to go to. Actually one of his friends actually watched David for a few hours as we both had meetings that night but he'll just pay him in beer so that's the kind of sitter I like. Not sure if they would watch him for the whole night though for us to go out but you never know.

I am still hoping we can go overnight without David once before the baby is born but it depends on what happens with him job wise. Once he gets a new job we will probably plan something. I'm thinking it probably won't be until later in the year or early next year at the very latest. Otherwise we may just have to wait until they are older.

However my mom was saying my parents never went out without us until they went to Vegas and I was in 2nd grade. I don't want to have to wait that long but if we do it we'll have to wait until we have enough money or be able to take them to the grandparents and go somewhere near there. However, it's hard with my mom as she can't chase him around all day due to her health so my aunt would have to help her out.

We're hoping maybe the next time we go to see my in laws to Florida the kids will stay with them for a few days and we'll go somewhere by ourselves.

 

 

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 5:05pm
Sandy brought up a great point with friends. We have a few friends that don't mind watching Teddy for a few hours during the day, or coming over and chilling out at night (he really sleeps through 99% of the time) so they don't have to actually do anything :smileyvery-happy:.
I know some parents also swap watching kids so that it doesn't cost anything and both sides can get a night or day out every few weeks :smileyhappy:
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 8:33pm
Our goal was to have a date night every month, but I think we've only had three this year? Our major problem is not either of us wanting to do it, but finding a sitter. We had two ladies from the daycare babysit for us, but they are both PG now (and one just had her baby this week), so they're not available anymore. We have NO family here, and don't have anyone else that we'd really trust with him. I guess it's time to find a new sitter, but not sure how to go about it. Evan really has to get to know someone before being comfortable enough with them to even play together, let alone being by himself with them!

Anyway - no real advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 11:01pm

Jules - That's great that your DS can help babysit now. Actually all of our family lives in the area so finding a babysitter is not an issue - it's just convincing DH!

Ash - DH and I have been together for 10 years now and early on in the relationship, he was the one who always wanted to go out and I was more of a homebody and now it's the other way around. I have expressed to him numerous times how impt it is to me and how we still have to make time for us even though we're parents. I think it's not that he doesn't want to go, but his mind is just so clogged with work and he's tired all the time from working 6-7 days/week between his two jobs so date nights just aren't a priority for him. Once we're out on the date, he's fine and all into it, it's just getting him excited to help me schedule one is a challenge. I just nailed him down for the first weekend in Sept. so hoping we won't have to cancel again. You're one lucky gal to have 4 sitters in rotation!

Ruth - (((HUGS)))! I remember those early months and how frazzled I would be when I would get an hour to myself to run to the store or whatever because DH kept calling me. He didn't really get comfortable with staying alone with Selin until she was at least 3 months old so I think so what you're going through is totally normal. Btw, saw Anu's pics on your blog today - he is so handsome!! :-)

Sandy - Ash's suggestion is a great one. That way you don't have to pay and it's a win-win for both couples.

Alyssa - Hope you find some new sitters soon! Do you belong to a moms group? Maybe they could give you some referrals?

Thanks everyone for your input - it's reassuring to know I'm not alone! I've been telling DH for months now that before baby #2 comes I want to go on a mini trip just me and him. We haven't done that in almost 3 years! Thankfully his sister and her DH just went away for 2 nights without their DS so I'm hoping they'll be an inspiration for DH to want to get away too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
In reply to: cavenyee
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 1:14pm
My in-laws are always willing to watch Peter, so that isn't an issue. DH just gets tired of sitting and talking, so we eat, go home, and then he runs off with his dad. We've only paid a sitter once, and he gave her $15/hour. That's not feasible long-term (we were gone 5 hours, and Peter slept for 2 of them; we also left money for pizza). I just want to go out to supper and spend some time together, not go to a movie or anything. We have started loading Peter in the car for a nap and just driving. It helps a little.

All that to say, we're in a similar boat. And I'm not comfortable with overnight trips away, so that's out too. It's not just Peter; I don't trust people with my dogs either. Me thinks I have control issues...
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Avatar for berry81
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
In reply to: berry81
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 11:33pm

I'm so sorry Christine! That sounds really frustrating. Might it be possible to turn September's date night into an overnight for you guys? Maybe if you could stretch a date night into more of an 'event', it will feel more refreshing/relaxing for you both? It sounds like it's hard for DH to mentally get into date nights, but if he's into them once he's there, maybe an overnight would be ideal? I know it's not feasible for everyone... it's a lot to ask of family/friends... but if there is any chance, I'd try to go for it!

DH and I do really love to go out - similar to Ash we did it a TON before we became parents and so it's high on both our priority lists now. Though we've only had three overnights away from Eliza since she was born... so our dates are usually just 2-4 hour nights/afternoons away. We're now starting to get into the habit of Eliza spending a night with either my parents or my brother and SIL at least once a month. It's good for both tot and parents... :smileyhappy:

GL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 1:29am
Ella- We also don't do overnights that often just because we only trust our in-laws or SIL to do it, but we try and get flexible and do short afternoon dates, or even things like brunch,etc. For us it is really more just the act of getting out of the house together and doing something just the two of us- it definitely doesn't have to be a big dinner/drinks/show night for it to be special :smileyhappy:
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