DH's Reaction

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
DH's Reaction
19
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:14pm

So wegot our BFP this morning and when I told DH it wasn't quite the reaction I was hoping for. It sort of reminded me of the scene in Marley and Me where the Owen Wilson comes in and tells Jennifer Aniston that he wants to stop trying and she comes out and says I'm pregnant. His words were something to the effect of "Are you sure it's a line? Could I be a false positve?". But when he left for work this morning he seemed pretty excited about it.

But when he came home tonight he said that he read more about false postives and that the HCG increases( which I knew) andthat I should wait until Friday to test. And I told him that I was going to test tomorrow and Friday dice I have two tests left andthat I was waiting for my doctor to email me back about grttig a blood test and if I even needed to do that. He keeps saying "if you are pregnant we will..." and I keep saying that I am pregnant. Even if it's a hemcial pregnancy I still need to act like I am pregnant just in case.

I am pissed and hurt that he isn't being openly excited. I don't know if he is freaking out inside and just not showing it. And I don't want to have the conversation tonight so we will see what happens when I take the test tomorrow and temp tomorrow and it's still postive. I just always wanted to have a hubby that go super excited and hugged me when the time came and that's so not what happened. I know I shouldn't expect it with him because he isn't like that but oh well.

Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:26pm

My DH didnt show his excitement or hug me or anything either like you see in the movies. He smiled a lot though and was visibly excited, just not over the top. I guess neither of us are over the top people though when it comes to it because I didnt come jumping and screaming out of the bathroom either even though I knew a whole day before I told him and was just dying to tell him. He just asked more questions about the tests and when I tested and whatever. Then all he said was "well that was easy and I told you I'm good." LOL! Later he said, he was just super duper scared about getting excited just in case I miscarried especially because I found out so early like you but that he was soo soo happy. So for him, it was a way of protecting his heart. I also think that for men it isnt real until they see the U/S pics or feel the baby move. At least for my DH, he really has gotten into my PG since we had the U/S.

I'm sorry it wasn't the reaction you were hoping for but if it really bothers you, I would discuss it with him further and probe his feelings on it. Men are a totally different creature than women when it comes to pregnancy, that is what I've learned through all of this. It doesnt point out any indicators as to how he'll behave in the coming months or as a father though. I think men just take a lot longer to adjust...they say women become mothers when they get pregnant, but men dont become fathers until the baby arrives. I disagree with that statement because our DH's are fathers right now, but mentally and emotionally, it is completely true.

Hugs!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:40pm

i'm sorry you didn't get the reaction you were hoping for. that does suck. if it makes you feel better, my DH didn't really react either...he seemed kind of numb and didn't even really talk about it at all for a few days...i had to drag it out of him two days later when he didn't really respond on his own. he doesn't really react to much of anything though, so i was ok with it, and (obviously) since then he's gotten very excited about it (and worried at the same time, lol).

i think that maybe he might be trying to protect himself a little...the idea of having a baby in theory and looking at a BFP and a due date in reality are two completely different things, especially to the father who really ultimately can only observe from the sidelines the whole way through, no matter how "involved" he is. and i think guys in general have a hard time with big changes too. he's freaked out by the reality of it, and so he might be in denial a bit and trying to shield himself from the initial shock. my advice is to give him some time, a couple days or so, for it to sink in. maybe after you POanotherS on friday, like he suggested. he'll come around, it just might take a little longer than we (as the moms) think it should.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 12:50am

DH and I were both in shock when we found out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 2:59am
I think this is pretty normal for some guys. My DH was always this way. Even with my very first BFP he was really cautious and didn't trust the test at all. With my BFP that ended being sticky he was actually pissed when I told him because he wanted me to wait longer to test. Anyway, it sucks that I don't have a good story to tell James about his Dad's first reaction to hearing the news, but DH definitely got excited later on when it started to be real to him. I think a pink line on a test just really doesn't feel very real to most men. ((hugs)) I totally know how you're feeling. He'll come around.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 7:24am

Aw, Jess - I'm sorry he didn't react the way you thought he would. If it makes you feel better, my DH was pretty hesitant the first day too. He was excited, but he said he would feel better and believe it more once I got another positive. I think men are just more "realistic" about it. I'm sure he'll be super excited once AF is actually late and that line is super dark.

(((hugs)))





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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 10:44am

Thanks Ladies. After I posted that I did talk to him last night. He said that he wasn't freaked out (probably just a little) and that he just didn't want to get his hopes up and have me be upset with things if it turns out I wasn't pregnant or had a miscarriage. and I told him that it didn't matter that I would be upset either way and that he didn't need to protect me.

So anyway we had a good talk last night and then this morning I took another test and the line was darker and I told him that. and he goes "well then I guess this is it!" and he seemed happy. I made an appointment with the midwife at my clinic for January 11th.

We are planning on telling my parents in a few weeks so we can figure out things with christmas and then he wants to tell his folks at christmas and no one else until after 15 weeks. I just have a feeling that my family is going to figure it out when on my birthday I am not having a glass of wine. I said that was fine, but we had to come up with a game plan in case my aunts asked.

Thanks again ladies! I was just really emotional and I appreciate all the advice.

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Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 11:11am

I'm sorry about your DH's reaction. I would hold off on having any sort of serious conversation with him about it for a few days. Give it a chance for your news to sink in with him. He might come around on his own and surprise you once the initial shock wears off.

But... CONGRATS on your BFP... H&H 9 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 11:27am
HI!!! Sorry, I lurk here and am in no way a grad yet, but I just wanted to say first off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! What amazing news!!!! WOW! I think that DH will get on board soon, it's probably just a huge shock. Remember, you are aware of every little thing you are feeling, and even though it's his baby too, he doesn't know what it's like to have that little baby inside of you. So give him some time to adjust :) You must be just so excited! I hope you have a very happy and healthy pregnancy!!!!
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Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 11:42am
Thanks Kate & Jenny - I appreciate it! I over reacted a little last night and I have to realize that he isn't going to react the same as me because he isn't me...just like when we got married and other events, he just isn't as emotional about it. and I have to look at the little things he does :)

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Registered: 01-17-2007
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 2:11pm

Lots of hugs! I know it must have really hurt you that he didn't get as excited as you thought he would :(. In a perfect world, he would have been sensitive to that, but you know...

I just wanted to share our experience because I might have a little idea of how your DH is feeling. I've often said I'm the man in our relationship, lol, and when I got my BFP, that completely held true. DH jumped up and down and squealed and ran around the house saying he was going to be a daddy. I sat down and stayed there. I didn't move or speak for 5 or 10 minutes and then I asked him to go out and buy a digital test. I think when that one popped up "Pregnant", I just nodded and said, "Ok then."

This is some serious, life-changing stuff and some people AKA me and most men, lol, can't process that right away and we need a little time to warm up to the actual reality of a pregnancy. By the time I had my first u/s, I was over the moon, and I'm sure your DH will get there, too. In the mean time, you could tell him he's hurting your feelings and you need for him to be a little more excited. That might help him get there a little faster.

Hugs again and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Megan

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