Evil SIL & Shower Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Evil SIL & Shower Dilemma
36
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 7:37am

Need your help again ladies. I'm starting to stress out again about something that happened

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 8:35am

Hi Christine,

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with (or even think about) this family drama right now.

Honestly, I see this as an issue between your mom and your SIL. Your mom hosted the shower and made the guest list, so, if anyone should tell your SIL why she wasn't invited, IMHO, it should be your mom.

If you want to unburden yourself from the lie, you could simply tell your SIL, the next time she asks about the shower, that it has already taken place. If she asks shy she wasn't invited, you can honestly say "I don't know, I wasn't involved in creating the guest list."

I don't know if that's any help, but that's what I think I would do. I find that when it comes to family drama, the last thing I want to do is get between two people. I've tried to do this with my family in the past, and I've always found that well-meaning attempts to mediate are resented (and ignored) by those caught up in feuding with each other.


Photobucket


Pregnancy Ticker

Photobucket

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/WEETm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" />

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 8:55am

Christine - I'm sorry that you have to deal with this kind of drama right now. My jaw dropped when I read what your SIL did at your wedding!

I agree with Cassie - this seems to be between your mom and your SIL, so I think they should be the ones to talk. I would tell your SIL that it already happened, so that things start to get sorted out now.

As for your DH's reaction, I understand that he wants to protect his family, but your his immediate family now. Even though you don't agree on how the situation was dealt with, that's over and in the past. Now you need to decide *together* how to deal with it all. If it looks like your split on it, then your BIL/SIL will know and won't feel the need to do anything. But, if you act as a team, you might get further in fixing the problem.

(((hugs))) and good luck.





Powered by CGISpy.com

Thanks to Katie, Tara, and Joelle for my wonderful siggies!




pregnancy calendar






Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 9:32am

That sucks, not something you want to have to deal with at the moment or at anytime. How awful for her and your BIL to do what they did at their wedding.

I think the advice that ppl gave about asking your mom to talk to her, or saying you weren't involved in the guest list creation is a good one.

I also wonder if when you talk with DH if he can talk to his brother and tell him what's going on and have him talk to your SIL. Not sure if that's something that would happen since it sounds like your BIL doesn't really stand up to his wife at all.

Good luck and try not to stress about it.

Photobucket





Thanks Michelle for my Awesome Sig



Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker






My WTT Blog




Photobucket
Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 12:01pm

The reality is that your mom probably isn't going to call up SIL before Thanksgiving. So you are going to have to deal with this. First thing I would do is talk to my DH to make SURE that he is beyond you 100% and understands what is going on. IF this woman tries to get "up in your face", yells at you or does anything else inappropriate when she finds out - your DH should step in between you two and set her straight. He should be prepared with, "Do not disrespect my wife." If she doesn't listen, be prepared to leave. Zero tolerance.


At thanksgiving you just tell her immediately. The problem now is that by lying and dragging your feet you make it look like you did something wrong. You didn't! She doesn't deserve to be invited to any of your family functions or events. Not after her behavour and lack of apology. You didn't want her ruining your shower so you shouldn't have to take that chance by inviting her. Walk straight up to AS SOON AS YOU SEE her and say, "I'm sorry - MIL told me you were asking about the baby shower. My mother thought since she was hosting and you two are not speaking to each other that you would be extremely uncomfortable. She thought it best for the sake of peace that you not be invited. Sorry for any confusion or misunderstanding." Say it sympathetically - like you are ONLY sorry for the fact that she wasn't told and has been strung along. If she "explodes" - then DH steps in and does the above :) If she persists DH says, "I'm sorry - this is the very thing we wanted to avoid at the shower. We are going to have to leave as I don't want to upset my pregnant wife right now."


Good luck!


Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 2:54pm

Thanks ladies for all of your suggestions. I am going to talk to DH tonight to make sure we're on the same page.


I really don't want to bring it up at Thanksgiving since I know how she has acted at events in the past and I don't want us to get into a blowout.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 2:29am

I ave to agree that you should separate yourself from it as much as possible. Disavowing knowledge & responsibility for the guest list works perfectly. I think it's good to tell her in an email beforehand! Get her initial freak out over with before the holiday! And I love Dee's suggestion for your DH to be on guard & ready to jump in & say "Do not disrespect my wife."!! Really, that's perfect!


GL! I hope it turns out to be a non-issue!

Photobucket
 Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 12:05pm

WOW!!!!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 9:49pm

Just wanted to give you an update on the situation. DH and I talked about it last week and he asked me not to bring it up at Thanksgiving to avoid a blowout. He advised that if she asked me about it, to tell her that I would talk to her about it later. Thankfully, my SIL did not ask me about it at Thanksgiving (and I was so nervous all day preparing myself to deal with her) but I think if I sat with her long enough, she would have. All she talked to me about was baby stuff and how I was feeling and I just kept changing the subject or leaving the room.


I've been waiting for the right time to email her and just sent it a few moments ago. It will be interesting to see if she responds at all. I wanted to send it this week because there is a good chance we will see her and my BIL at a friend's kid's birthday party next weekend so I figured sending it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:01pm
I think that was a great email. And a good way go handle it. It will be interesting to see what she says if anything at all.

Photobucket




Thanks Michelle for my Awesome Sig


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker


pregnancy calendar






My Blog





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:05pm
Great email, Christine! I hope she takes it well!
Photobucket
 Photobucket

Pages