How far apart did you space your children?

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Registered: 09-02-2003
How far apart did you space your children?
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Sat, 04-06-2013 - 1:19pm

My son is only 3 1/2 months and immediately after his birth I thought I was done (that was the recovery talking). Then within two weeks, I said I could do it again because he needs a sibling. Now, I'm thinking three. However, if my next is another boy, then I'd be done anyway because I don't want three boys. If it's a girl, it'll leave it more open to having a third because then I'd already have one of each. DH would be perfectly content with just two, but he knows I want three and is okay with having three.

I know it's way too soon to even be thinking about this, but I'm going to be 29 in July, so I feel kind of pressured to have them closer together rather than further apart because of my age. The soonest I'd want to try again is when my son turns one. Ideally, I'd like to space the next kid to be about three years apart from Ricky (so trying when he's two), but since I'm not sure if I want two or three (I'll have to see how it goes with two and it depends on the gender) and with my age, I feel pressured to have one sooner. I know the older you are the higher your chances are with abnormalities and it's harder on the mom phsyically. I am a SAHM right now and Ricky is not yet sleeping through the night, so I'm exhausted. I was wanting to space them three years apart and have the next one by the time I'm 31 then 34 if we wanted a third. DH is two years older than me and I don't think he'd want to have a baby at 36. Right now, we're still able to live our lives like before by just packing the baby around with us. We've been together for 12 years and married for 4 this year, so it's important to us to maintain our life before baby (as best as we can).

How far apart did you space your children? Did you find it easier or harder spacing them closer or further apart? How did your life change with each kid? How old (if you don't mind my asking) were you when you had your children?

Amanda

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Registered: 08-24-2005
Mon, 05-13-2013 - 5:00pm

It worked well for the most part. The only thing was that I expected to have him potty trained before the baby arrived and he wasn't ready, so I did end up with 2 in diapers for a few more months.

He has had some jealousy issues, but I think that has more to do with his personality than with the age gap.

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Registered: 09-02-2003
Mon, 05-13-2013 - 1:56pm

How did the spacing work out for you? Did you find your older one to be at an age to be more self sufficient? Was he helpful? Was it harder having them so close together (and possibly still in diapers)?

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Registered: 08-24-2005
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 10:48am

We TTC our second because we sensed that our oldest needed a sibling and was acting too spoiled already.

Personally, I don't like the baby stage. Sure they are cuddly and lovely, but they are so fragile!!! For me, things get really beautiful around 8 or 9 month... But to get an 8mo, you first need a newborn, so... I'm willing to do it again!

AS for your question, we started TTC when our oldest was 16 months and took us around 3 months to achieve pregnancy, so by the time baby#2 was born, our oldest was 2y and 3 months old.

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Thu, 04-25-2013 - 10:49am

Thanks for your reply, Mari. Did you start TTC when your oldest was one then for the 2-year age gap? Did you find it harder having them closer in age or a little easier because you got all the baby stuff over at once?

I don't think I could even talk DH into TTC again when DS is one because for us a baby is a lot of work. I know some people perfer the baby stage or think it's easier than the kid stage, but for us we can't wait until he's three and more self sufficient. Then again, it would be nice to get the baby stuff over with. I probably try to entertain him too much since he is just a baby, but I feel like it helps with his development.

It's funny because everyone always says how cute and cuddly babies are and how they miss it or can't wait to have more, but I find the people who say that aren't willing to put in the work. As soon as my son gets fussy people hand him back, which obvisouly, I'm the mom, so... I think people forget about the restless nights, though. My son is a pretty easy going baby, but like I said, I do entertain him most of the day. Anyway, the other day he fussed literally all day- he's teething and we tried everything. I was so ready to tap out, but I couldn't b/c I'm the mom. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and yes my son is cute and cuddly, but I have to remind myself that he will only be little once to help get me through the dificult/fussy days.

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Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 4:45pm

My two kids are 2 years and 3 months apart. At the time it seemed like the best choice, you know, my oldest wasn't too old and he wasn't a baby anymore.

Alhough I share your concerns about age (I'm 32), I think I'll aim at a slighly bigger gap for our third. The reason is that I wan't to take a break from the physical aspects of motherhood (brestfeeding and pregnancy) before I do it all again. So I'll probably start TTC in january. I figure that as long as I'm under 35 I'm clear of most age-related concerns.

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Sat, 04-13-2013 - 3:14pm

Thanks for your reply... I think I would LOVE the three year age gap for all the reason you have already said. I know DH would, too because even though I handle the baby more it is been trying for him (he's an only child).  I used to teach first grade and I have eight sisters and brother (so lots of nieces and nephews), so I'm used to being around kids.  We just stopped swaddling him and have him sleep in his crib. He actually adjusted to it really well- there was no transition to it. The past two nights we have been out past his bedtime, so he fussed for an hour while I rocked him to sleep (I did try to change his diaper, feed him, etc.), but he was just out of his routine. Ricky is pretty good around other people because I've been taking him out every other day since he was a week old. I needed to just so I can get out, too. Plus, I'm still able to have time by myself when I go to the gym three days a week. We're able to make time for each other in the evening since he goes to bed at 7:30. He gets up one time at 2am and then for the day at 7am, so not too bad. I'd love for him to lose the middle of the night feeding. We started feeding him oatmeal week ago and he's doing really well eating off a spoon. He'll be 15 weeks tomorrow, so we'll probably start introducing other baby foods in the next couple of weeks.

We're pretty go with the flow as well. I have found a lot of baby gear totally unneccesary. I feel like I don't need a sling/carrier with him right now, but by the time I have another, it would be nice since Ricky will be walking and then I can just pack the baby. I do have a pretty big diaper bag, though. I also really like the idea of the three year age gap because he'll be more self sufficient.. able to feed himself, dress himself (for the most part), feed himself, and potty trained.

Is your husband more onboard for a fourth because of the age gap between children?

Thanks again for your reply!

Amanda

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Registered: 10-15-2001
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 1:07pm

Hi, Amanda.  We have three children, and they are almost exactly three years apart.  Jonah was born when Fletcher was 2 years and 11 months old.  Charlotte was born when Jonah was three weeks from his third birthday.  They are 7, 4, and 21 months now--all with summer birthdays.  I was 26 when my first was born (August 2005).  I was 29 with the second (July 2008), and 32 with the third (June 2011).  We are hoping for a 4th, and the spacing will probably be around 3 years again--if we are blessed with another pregnancy! 

The three year gap is great for us because the sibling is already able to do some things independently and play alone for short amounts of time.  Those little periods of independent play are so useful when caring for a new baby's needs.

I loved adding each of our babies to the family.  I found that adding the second and third didn't require the same amount of life-change as becoming parents for the first time did.  The second and third children simply slipped into our routines without much trouble.  We moved when our youngest was 4 weeks old, and I have to admit that a big move (over 1000 miles!) with a newborn was tough--especially since we were leaving our whole family (both mine and my husband's) behind.  Other than the issues with moving, adding baby Charlotte was smooth and delightful!  I can't wait to do it again. :)

Our family is very active and involved in our community, but I feel like I can strap  on a baby sling and go!  I'm definitely a "simple" mom.  I don't get into lots of STUFF or big diaper bags, and I think that attitude has made it easy for us to maintain an active lifestyle while nurturing a close family.  We do basically everything together, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope you find a balance that works for you.

~Erica

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