i can't afford to go to my sis's wedding

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
i can't afford to go to my sis's wedding
14
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 3:09pm

obviously, i'm going to go anyway. but this is going to be a huge hardship, logistically and financially.

her wedding date is june 13. i know nothing beyond that about the day, really, as far as what happens when and where. i'm supposed to be the MOH. i agreed to it back in november '08, when she was planning on getting married in september '09. they put the wedding off indefinitely because they couldn't afford it, so i assumed it would be a couple years before she revisited the issue. well, she had this epiphany a couple weeks ago that the big wedding she was planning is so not her style and they'll never be able to afford it, plus she wants to get married before they move to wherever he decides to go for grad school (could be MD, could be upstate NY, could be IL, could be IA...), which will be at the end of the summer. so she scaled it way back budget-wise. and oh, she doesn't want it to be too hot! got to do it early in the summer.

but she wants me to come, and with tadpole coming at the end of april (could very well be the beginning of may, depending on if i wind up going past my due date, and how long past my doctor will let me go), she wants to "make sure" i can make it. so she picked june 13. her first choice would have been may 23, but she thought that would be too soon. (she decided this stuff without me, i didn't ask her to pick one date over another.)

most of you know i'm laid off and DH is self-employed, so time is money for us. time he takes away from work is money out of our pockets, because the shop won't make any money if he closes it and his pay goes to someone else if he doesn't. driving is cheaper, but it means more time away from the shop, because it's a two day drive (especially if we're traveling with an infant), so it's money lost regardless. flying will allow us to leave friday during the day and return on monday (since it's a sunday wedding, which is another royal pain, but it's not my wedding). however, flying will cost us nearly $1K! plus where do we stay? with my parents? that would make the most sense, since they're closest to the wedding location, but they don't have a lot of space. it was cramped at thanksgiving with just the two of us, and we'll have a 6 week old baby with us this time. i suppose we could stay with DH's parents, but that would be a bit of a slap in the face for them. "hey, can we sleep at your house and borrow your car to spend the entirety of the rest of the weekend with my family?" we can't afford a hotel.

the other option is for me to fly out by myself and leave DH at home with the baby. that will only cost about $400. still a big chunk of change for us, but not as bad. but then i have to leave DH and the baby for a weekend, when i'm just barely recovered from the birth anyway. (i'm not one of those types that will never go anywhere unless i can go with my husband and child, but 6 weeks after i give birth...i'm not so sure about that.) plus my sister would be sorely disappointed if i came and didn't bring the baby, as would the rest of my family i'm sure.

i feel like i'm beating my head against a wall for this. i love my sister and want all of us to be there for her wedding, but this is just really frustrating. when she first told me about it, she said something about talking to my parents to help us with the cost of flying out, but she hasn't said a word to me about it since and i know that she hasn't said anything to my parents, so i don't want to bring it up. we'll probably just wind up taking the money out of our tax return, since we're getting the first-time homebuyer rebate. we were hoping to hold on to that money just in case, since i'm laid off, or possibly for a new roof after i find a new job though.

thanks for letting me vent.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 11:27pm

I definitely don't think staying with your IL's is good, from what you have said about them, unless DH is there with you. that being said if it were me I would probably go without DH and bring the little one.

I would either have someone in the family watch the LO while you are in the ceremony (as i am sure they will be plenty of family to do so) and as for the setting up, I don't think that you need to be helping with that as much. but a sling would help with you or putting the baby in the car seat while you do it.

Good luck and try not to stress about it. I know it's a lot, but you will figure something out.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 12:06am

thanks again everyone!

one thing i was thinking...we signed up for a rewards program with our debit account way back when we opened it 5 years ago, and we were planning on redeeming the points we've accumulated so far for a $250 BRU gift card, but we could also trade them in for airline tickets. we'd have to read the fine print and check the terms and conditions, but that could work (or at least knock some of the cost off, if not all).








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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 7:13am

Oh Carly, what an awful situation... you've gotten lots of good advice already. I think taking the baby with you, and staying at your parents' house would be the best solution. As PPS said have a word with your sister about your duties - you will not be up to it if you're there without DH to take over baby duties.


Here's my own experience - I went to a wedding with Teddy when he was 11 weeks old. It was DH's best friend and he was best man, so I basically was there "on my own" as DH was busy with his duties. The actual service went well as Teddy was asleep; but at the reception, whenever we went into the marquee with all those people around, he started screaming like a banshee. So tip for you - ask your sister if there is a quiet place/room somewhere that you can use (you might also want to use it to BF).


At 6w PP you will probably still feel a bit rough; but in regards to Tadpole it could be an advantage as they sleep so much at that age - baby might well sleep through most of it!


Good luck and let us know what you decide/how preparations go!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:29pm

I agree! At 6 weeks, the baby will probably sleep through most things.

Carly, I think you are stressing out more about this than you really have to. If you have the baby with you, there will be FAMILY around! Everyone LOVES babies! You could "hand the baby off" whenever you need to...and I'm sure your mother will be happy to watch the baby while you do the ceremony. Ask her. Find out who else might be willing to pitch in babysitting duties (aunts/cousin/nieces).

You said your parent's place is tight - but a baby won't take up much room so squeeze in and maybe they will be helpful :)

Dee

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