I don't even know what ot think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
I don't even know what ot think...
20
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 8:23am
My brother sent me this (along with a very rude comment about how chinese mothers are f** up), I can't stop thinking that this borders on abuse, but on the other hand, it may be true that western parents are "too soft" sometimes. What do you think? http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 9:29am

I read this the other day.






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 12:45pm

I had seen this article a few days ago as well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 12:29am

I also agree with the to soft idea. I know that many parents went through difficult times and do not want there children or grandchildren to go through what they did. But at the same time if you give them everything and make them work for nothing what are you teaching them? I am part of a generation that is known for not having much of a working ethic. I know I see it in the people my age and younger that I hire where I work. They expect to walk into a job and be able to get whatever hours they want and take off whatever time they want just after walking in the door. I think we as a society in total have come to expect to get anything we want whenever we want it

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 7:37am

I skimmed the article- sorry just not interested enough to read the whole thing, and found it ridiculous. Definitely not abuse but her goals for her children and what she considers to be success are not at all what my husband and I believe in or want.

I don't believe there are winners or losers in life, I don't believe an "A" student is necessarily better then a solid "C" one- at least not when it comes to real life, and I honestly don't care if Teddy starts and quits a million sports, instruments, whatever else.

I love that she is so proud that a Chinese parent can get away with calling their child garbage- as if that is something that all parents secretly want to do but can't.

It would probably make her gag but I don't think any child can turn out badly- not really. We are all just human:) I guess I am glad I don't live in China LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 1:44pm
When I talked about abuse I was thinking about that stupid story about the piano lesson... I felt bad for the poor kid who was forced to perfrom something so difficult just because the mother didn't have the brains to see it was beyond her (normal) skills. Sure finally she made it, but I don' htink it was acomplished in a healthy way. Also, she'd probably be horrified to see my school report cards. I was never an A student... I passed all my classes with varying degrees of success, mostly with (the equivalent) of B+. And my parent's never made any fuss, unless it was a C or below. But I do think it's important to teach a kid that good things are hard to get. Also that you shouldn't quit just because it got difficult. I just think you can teach that without turning your house into a boot camp.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 1:49pm

I saw this on the news the other day but hadn't seen the actual article. All I can say is..... yikes! I know it's a cultural difference and on some level I knew that there were many Chinese parents like this, but I didn't realize it was quite this... umm... extreme?

IDK... I definitely think we are doing a lot of things wrong in Western society. As a pp said, we are living in a generation of people with very poor work ethics - I saw it all the time especially at my last job, where new hires would do things like



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 3:13pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 3:26pm

I found many parts of this article disturbing, though some of it did resonate with me. I disagree with the kind of lax parenting that doesn't make children work or wait for things, or that makes children expect rewards for little effort. That's the kind of parenting that has led to "Generation Entitled". DH teaches undergrads who definitely fall into the "Generation Entitled" category and they expect A's no matter what. If they don't come to class, they expect to be excused no matter what b.s. excuse they come up with. It infuriates him.

However, children are individuals. They should be allowed to develop their own interests. I think it's ludicrous to press your own expectations upon your children. They should be held up to standards, yes, but you need to know your kids. If you truly do, you will know when they're performing to their highest ability and when they aren't.

It makes sense to me that Chinese parents would not see things the same way. China is a collectivist culture. America is an individualist culture. It's a completely different mindset. I have to wonder, though, given my own personal experience, what on earth this woman would have done if she had a child with special needs? Would she have ignored his/her challenges and pushed him/her to achieve things that were beyond their grasp when meeting him/her at his/her level would have produced much better results (in my experience), or would she have decided s/he was an idiot and never expected anything of him/her at all because s/he was "defective"?

In my opinion and in my experience, parenting is all about flexibility and there was NO flexibility for that woman. None.

wttg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 6:54pm
So, I only read the first bit of the article, but I do agree there are some serious issues in the Western culture when it comes to parenting. Working at a university really brings the problems to the surface too: students think they are entitled to an A (or to their whole degree) because they (i.e., their parents) are paying for it. They have their parents call professors or departments about their grades. They make up excuses, constantly ask for extended deadlines, and want their hands held through the whole process. It's infuriating, and a lot of it is because they have been given everything they have ever asked for, no questions asked. The "reward" system of parenting just does not work, and leads to this entitlement.

I do think the woman in the article is extreme. Obviously there are issues with not letting your child choose their interests and not letting them just be kids. But, I will have high expectations for Evan - I'll expect him to do his best. I'll expect him to finish what he starts. I'll expect him to work hard, but enjoy things too.

Kelly - OMG I cannot believe that guy brought in a letter from his dad to work! We see that a lot with students, but I thought they HAVE to grow out of it at some point. I guess not :P




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 3:37am

I just have to add, when I say I don't expect my son to get all A's it doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it LOL. I just think he has to realize for himself the benefits that come from working hard and the feelings of success that come from applying yourself. I feel like when this is forced out of someone it just isn't the same as when it comes naturally, and the chances for personal growth are lower.

This worked for me so we'll have to see how it works with our son :D

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