I'm an Awful Friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
I'm an Awful Friend!
2
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:21am

I am having some problems with a friend of mine. I might have talked about her before.This might get long... Some background: We have been friends since we were 12 years old (I am now 30). When we were 17 she starting getting into trouble, talking to boys online and she ran away from home twice to be with this one from PA (We live in MN). I helped her parents by hacking into her email and figuring out where she was. We have had a rocky relationship. and looking back at it now, she always played the victim and I was always her rescuer. She met this guy at this party and got pregnant with her daughter 3 months later (this was when we were 18 and just out of High School). It worked out, she has been married to her husband for 10 years this coming august and has two lovely children.

She has had scoliosis, her entire life, wore a back brace from the time she was 12, has had a TON Of surgeries and also has Endometriosis. Had a full hysterectomy at the age of 24, and is now having a hard time walking....

This is where I start to become a bad friend and beat myself up. This girl is in and out of the ER more times than I can count. It seems like, every other day I was getting an email saying I am in the ER, or they are admitting me for x or y. last February she was in the hospital for 2 weeks because she couldn't move her right leg. She has been on crutches every since. My friend, another one of my friends and I all hung out one weekend back in August and had a slumber party. My friend that is sick all the time, wouldn't go out of the apartment because she didn't want to deal with her crutches, she was always on them when we were there. I left saturday night and my other friend(the one who isn't sick) saw my sick friend walking around fine Sunday morning without her crutch. When she heard her come out of her room she quick grabbed the crutch to make it look like she needed it. Now I wasn't there so I can't say this actually happened. but it's making us think that she is acting sicker than she is. I totally understand that her endo is painful, from all that i have read it's awful, I don't doubt that she has that or anything.

I decided that I wasn't going to be her rescuer anymore on the advice from my therapist. I am there when she needs me, but I am not going to actively reach out and be her rescuer. I haven't really heard from her in a few months. She hasn't sent me an email to see how I have been doing (She doesn't know I am pregnant). She hasn't really reached out on Facebook for anything even to say "Hey, how was your christmas". Then yesterday she emails me and all the rest of our friends and says that she might have leukemia and is worried and has all this brusing and went to the ER and now has to make an appt with her regular doc and then another cancer specialist. I feel awful because the first thought in my head when I read this was "Really?" I don't hear from you in months and then all of a sudden you have cancer? I hope and PRAY with all my might that she isn't telilng the truth and that she doesn't have cancer, because that would be awful and I don't want her or her family to have to go through this. they already can't pay their mortgage because of all the bills. But I really wonder if she is telling the truth or just trying to get sympathy. There are so many other examples of her trying to get us to rescue her I could go on for hours.

Well thanks for listening if you made it this far. I just feel like an awful friend for not believing her. but the doctors NEVER find anything wrong with her....oh lord Please help me be a better friend.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:08pm

This really isn't an easy one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:55pm

Jen - Thank you so much for your response. What you are saying is how I am feeling inside and what I need to decide to do with my friendship with her. She tends to go to the ER a lot, for every minor ache or pain, or what she thinks she has. I guess I will find out more on Monday if she truly has Leukemia.

It's interesting you mentioned somatization disorder, as her sister thought she had that too. She got really upset and defensive. She also needs to get some mental health help with some issues from her childhood. That's where I always thought some of her illnesses come from. She isn't happy inside and her relationship with her husband is suffering because of it. Anyway. Thanks again I think I am just going to continue what I did this last time. Be there to support her, but not her illness. Not over give her attention and freak out over it unless it happens to be true and then I will definitely be there for her.

Thanks again!