job dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
job dilemma
10
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 8:26am

I think I've posted before about how DH is miserable in his current job. He makes really nice $$, and I think that's the only reason he is still there, but he doesn't get along with most of his coworkers (wich is weird, because he usually is on excellent terms with everyone), and also the job he does doesn't appeal to him intellectually. He doesn't complain much, but when we really talk about it, he's said how much he hates it.

Last week, an old friend of him came to town, and we invited him for dinner. He spent the whole night bragging about this great job he has, and when Mati gave him the ride back to the hotel, he offered him a job there. We are talking about a job in an oil field in the middle of nowhere... He would be 3 hours from the nearest city, and 12 hours from our city. The job doesn't have the option of relocating the family, so the next "best thing" is a 7/7 regime (7 days in the oil camp and 7 days at home). Of course, the seven days at home are not really 7, because he would lose 24 hours traveling here and back. On the positive side, the pay is awesome, and the job is kind of his dream job. He has the chance to make a great career in the oil industry.

I really HATE the idea with all my soul! I don't care about stupid money, I want my husband near and my kids to have their father at home every night. In a few months I will have a new born baby and a toddler to handle... I just can't really imagine taking care of them all by myself! I know single moms do it every day, but I DO have a husband, so he should be there, KWIM??? Perhaps if it was a temporary thing, I would make an effort for him. But we are talking about an entire career like this! (Not to mention that those camp sites a full of lonely men, casinos and yeah, "that kind of women".... I trust my husband, but to have him living there all the time is too much, even for my trust!!!!!)

What drives me crazy is that I've always tried to be supportive with him, but this time I just can't! It's like a lose/lose situation. If I could be super supportive and tell him "go ahead", but I KNOW I would be resentful inside and I fear the effect of that in our relationship. Since I said no, I fear he will blame me forever if his job situation doesn't improve soon. So I told him I really wasn't on board with it. To be true, he wasn't convinced either... The family factor weights a lot, but he also fears this kind of opportunity won't happen again for him. I swear, between this and my sister, I'm so stressed I could scream!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 12:01pm

Wow sorry that's a tough situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:24pm

Oh, Mari...that is a tough situation!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 5:58pm

Jessica- You are right, he already admitted that he can't be really happy being that far away from us. I think his biggest issue is the idea that this is a "once in a lifetime" opportunity. Oh, and he is working in an oil field right now, but one that is only 40 min away, so he comes home every night. the thing is that he studied HS&E, but in the current company he is more a "lab technician". (and yes, it can be a dangerous job, but let's not go there or I will freak out)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 6:02pm

UPDATE: He just came home and told me that he refused the offer.

I'm so glad!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 6:43pm

Mari, thats a hard desision to make. I know I'm late and he has already made a choice but I"m still going to put my two cents in.

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 10:54pm

Mari,

No real advice, just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and Mati and hope a dream job closer to home comes up for him soon! (((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 8:15am
Mari, I love that you just jumped right in and started helping Mati find something better. I'm not surprised that he was a little distant after the decision, but that's pretty normal. It probably left him deep in thought even if he does accept the choice.

Hang in there!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2011
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 4:31pm

HUGS! I don't have any advice, but I totally understand. DH works two jobs in the winter and is only gone for three days a week from 7am to 10pm. but I still get him home every night, I wouldn't want him gone 7 days and then home 7 days. Like you said it wouldn't really be 7 days and he would probably be tired and it may not be quality time.

have you guys talked about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 5:39pm
We talked a little bit last night. I asked him if he was resentful or something about it. He told me that he wasn't angry or anything like that with me. he was just a little pissed with universe for presenting such a twisted opportunity that he couldn't take. I suppose we are moving on then. I will keep helping look fopr something else though. Thanks for the support girls!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 7:27pm
Chiming in a bit late, but maybe it will make him feel better that even though this job wasn't 100% perfect for him (and your family), it DOES show him that there ARE other opportunities out there! It's a good thing he got to glimpse that, because now he might start looking a bit harder for something he'll truly love.

I am SO happy for you that he didn't take the job. When I read your initial post, my heart sank for you. In my hometown, a LOT of young guys have jobs like that in oilfields in the northern part of the country. It's awesome money, but it's long hours, long times away from home, and very dangerous. It's a great job for a single guy with no other responsibilities, but not so much for a married guy with a child and another on the way. It's a very hard way to live, and I'm glad that he came to the decision to say no to the offer.

I hope he can find something else in the near future that he really likes!




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