Job Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Job Dilemma
10
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:03am
DH and I had a disturbing conversation... The thing is that he got a phone call from an ex-coworker offering him (informally, there is nothing oficial yet) a new job.
This new job would be in an oiling camp in the middle of nowhere. 7 days on the field and 7 at home. They would DOUBLE the salary he has in his current job, so that would mean access to a house much faster than we dreamed possible. But....
I honestly can't imagine how I would manage to be all alone for whole weeks, I already spend most of my day alone with the baby, and most of the times I'm counting the hours until DH comes home. Also I'm worried about Fede and the effect this could have on him, 7 days is a lot to a baby, right? And also, if being alone with a baby is hard... how hard could it be with 2 babies?... I suppose we would have to postpone our TTC plans for years, at least until Fede is 3 or 4 yo...
What do you think? Has any of you BTDT??
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:17am

Ugh! That's a tough decision - does he go for the higher paying job, but it's harder on the family, or does he not take it and it means you won't get a house as fast?

I guess you really need to weigh those options and decide which is the worse of the two: would you rather have him away 7 days at at time, or would you rather take more time saving for a house?

It probably depends on your needs. If you have more children, you'll probably want a house --- but you'll probably want Daddy around more too!

Is there a way where he could take this job for a short period? Say, long enough to save up for a down-payment on a house (or whatever you think you'll need money-wise), and then leave the job?

Oil jobs are really tough physically as well (at least that's what I know from people who have done them up here). So, he might be totally exhausted when he's home too - something to think about. Another thing is vacation time - would he get to take time off during important holidays, or is it strictly 7 days on/7 days off? A husband of a friend of mine does something similar, and he can't take time off at Christmas!

Anyway, not sure if I'm helping or hurting. Good luck making the decision!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:46am

Currently, my DH lives an hour and a half away during the week to go to school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:49am

That's a really tough decision, Mariana.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 12:58pm
Mari, I haven't BTDT, but just wanted to offer some support and hugs. What a decision! If it were me, I'd be really tempted to let DH take the job - but I'm not working right now and finances are going to be extremely tight until I get a pt job. If DH could DOUBLE his salary by being away for 7 days every second week, wow, I think we would strongly consider it. Having 7 days with no help would be tough, but having 7 days with tons of help then would be pretty nice. LOL. I don't know... as one of the pp said, I don't know if I'm helping or hurting, but I


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:38pm

I'll second the idea that if you did it you could look into spending some money on a babysitter to help you. My DH travels about a week/month, which is only doable because I have lot of friends and family around to help. And I've come to the realization that he's well-paid in part because of his travel schedule, and so it's okay to spend money to support that, if that's what we decide is right for us.

That said, all the money in the world isn't worth being miserable for. This winter we had an opportunity come up that could have been worth a lot, but I got ill every time I thought about moving across the country, and I realized I just couldn't do it.

It's a tough choice. I'd recommend just following your gut. If it says no, don't do it.

~Lorien





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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 2:01pm

DH and I both grew up in a situation with loving but fairly absent fathers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
In reply to: bailarina2005
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 5:53pm

Jen made some really good points I hadn't even thought about before!


My DH applied for a job that would take him away from home for 6 solid months of training. Even tho it was only a one-time thing, we were nervous about it. The timing would have been terrible - start in June or Sept (miss the baby's birth!). I have no one here to help me so a newborn & 2 yr old by myself would have been a lot.


I finally agreed for one very important reason - it was DH's only chance to make a DECENT living in a very stable career. Right now, he's been floating from job to job and feeling very negative about his career and opportunities. I could see that he needed it for himself.


He didn't end up getting the job but they have allowed him to re-apply for the next intake. We'll see.


Good luck whatever you decide!


Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: bailarina2005
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 10:25am

It's really up to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
In reply to: bailarina2005
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 11:05am

Mari--Personally, for me and DH, the extra money wouldn't be worth it. We are very dependent on each other, to the point that he feels (slightly) depressed if I am away for a few days. So this would NOT work for us.

But it depends on you guys. It sounds to me, from what you are saying, that it's not something you think you could handle, or be happy with--sometimes no amount of money is worth unhappiness.

If I were you, the ONLY way I would go for something like this is on a temporary basis. Like if he could set up a 6 month or 1 year contract where he could do this for awhile, but when the contract time was up, he would have the option to renew the contract or get his old job back. I couldn't handle feeling like that was my life indefinitely.

I hope you guys figure out something that works good for you! (((HUGS)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
In reply to: bailarina2005
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 11:09am

Thanks ladies for all the great advice.
I translated it to DH yesterday and we had a more in-depth conversation about it.
Answering some of your questions... His current job is well paid compared to others, but we still need a frugal life style if we want to save for the house. The bad thing is that the contract his company has right now will end in about 2 years, and while they wouldn't fire him, they could relocate him, so we could end up in a similar situation without the extra $$.
Alyssa, the 7/7 thing is very strict, so yes, he wouldn't be able to take days off for vacations or important dates. Which absolutely sucks.
He could take the job for say, 2 or 3 years, but then he would have to quit and start job hunting... and you never know how that could go in this country.
About me being alone... Yes we would certainly hire someone to help with the house chores, and I would also have the help of family. I'm lucky in the sense that I am close (physically and emotionally) with my parents and in laws, so if it came to a point were he should take the job, I would have good support. But also that would mean "letting them in" our family dynamics in a way that doesn't make us comfortable, KWIM?

Right now, we are leaning towards a "no". We both think our relationship and his bond with Fede must come first. We'll see, there is nothing official yet. If they make the offer, we will have to sit down and seriously, seriously decide pros and cons.

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