My IL's - This is a total whine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
My IL's - This is a total whine
4
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 3:29pm

I am going to start this off that I am not in a good mood and this is a total vent/whine whatever. I am being a big baby and I know it, but for some reason it's really bothering me today.

Some background:
DH has 1 brother who is 2 years younger than us.I love him to death, he is like a brother to me and I LOVE his wife who is like my sister. They have been dating for a year longer than Mike and I. In May it will be 11 years they have been together and I think it will e 4 that they have been married.

When I met DH we did everything first, got an apt together, bought a car together, a house, got married etc...the only thing they "beat" us to was having a baby - which is fine. Finally they have broken the ground with the IL's before us.

DH's parents from what I can tell have always had the mindset of "If you do something for me you are the good kid". When DH was living at home during the summer or helping out at the cabin all the time, Barrett was the one that didn't get the attention. Well now that DH and I don't have a kid and his brother and my SIL do, it all revolves around them. Which okay I understand...but.... her comes the whine part.

So everytime DH and I make dinner plans with his parents - just his parents and us, and don't mention my BIL or SIL, they go and invite them, or make us invite them. What am I supposed to say, no..they put me in a position and DH in a position where we can't.

Example - today I emailed them and said that we were planning on going to the fish fry on Friday with my friend Jenny and would they want to meet us there, no mention of his brother. as my SIL hates fish. and then my MIL emails me back and says "Sure, Leah works, but Barrett is interested in joining us".

Another example, the IL's took the dog last Wednesday so I emailed my IL's and said I can pick her up on Sunday, let me know if you are going to be around. Never heard from them, then Sunday I called them left them a message, said I would be at BIL's house at 2, and then stopping over to pick her up, let me know if you are going to be around. Never heard from them. I get to BIL's and sure enough FIL is on the phone with BIL asking them if they could stop over with me when I pick up the dog! REALLY!! Why is it that everytime I need to see them, or we want to hang out with them BIL, SIL and now my nice need to be there. I know I am a big baby, I didn't have siblings growing up, so I don't have experience with this, but it irritates the crap out of me.... I have a feeling though that when Peanut is born they won't be stopping over all the time and they will make us drive up to them (Since BIL lives 10 minutes away from IL's).

Okay I am done ranting and whining. if you made it this far thanks for listening.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 4:51pm
That would annoy me too.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 11:04am

Well, I'm sort of on the other side of this. BIL and SIL moved far away this summer, but before that, they lived 10 mins away from us and our IL's lived 20 mins away.

Whenever our IL's would make plans with us, I would always ask if BIL and SIL could come or be included. The reason is simply that they are our age, and fun, and funny, and I have more fun when they are around then when it is just my IL's.

So maybe your IL's just feel the same way--that it is more fun for you "young people" to hang out with each other than just hang out with them, and maybe they feel some pressure is taken off them to socialize and entertain you when your BIL and SIL is there.

If I were your IL's, I would probably do the same thing, but for that reason, not the reason you think.

Just an idea of a different perspective!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 11:07am
I should also add that I am one of four girls, and my house used to be VERY busy, we were always playing games and had tons of people over--so generally, even WITH BIL and SIL there, I usually am kind of bored. So I liked at least including THEM because it was nice for me when it was at least a bit busier.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 11:42pm

Thanks Ladies. DH and I talked about it a little last night on the way home...I honestly think that one of the main reason's they invite the BIL & SIL is because they want to see my niece, which is fine. I am totally okay with it. I just get irritated that they don't do the same thing when they see the BIL & SIL w/o DH and I. There are plenty of times they get together the four of them without even mentioning it to us, so why can't it be the same the other way....Probably because we don't have a little one.

Before my niece was born the IL's would come down to our house, now (and rightfully so) we are heading up there a lot more....I realized that I was getting upset because his parents NEVER really ask me what's going on and how the pregnancy is going. They will sometimes ask DH, but never me. and I think part of why I am getting so upset too is I am so afraid that my IL's are going to treat our baby different because she wasn't the first born grandchild...but we will see. I just need to get over it and move on.


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