Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Need Advice
6
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 9:59am

Hey ladies, I need some advice, as a situation with a group of my friends is bothering me..seems pretty lame that I am letting this bother me, but here it is. Sorry its long

I have this group of friends that go out one night a week. We have been doing this since 2003, so awhile now. I used to be the one that sent out the email every week but since an incident this summer at the big camping trip and because of a monthly counseling session on the same night, DH and I haven't been going as much. My Best Friend is also not going because of the incident this summer.

Background on this summer - it's a camping trip that has been happening with the parents of this group of friends since DH was 2 years old. All the "kids"(ppl our age) sit around at the camp fires at night and drink for 3 days. There is usually some skinny dipping that DH used to be involved in, but since his Sex Addiction came out I don't let him and he chooses not to anymore. This past year my good friend and others were in the bar on a Sat night and ended up getting on top of the bar and stripping and walking around topless in the bar. It was inappropriate behavior and I am so glad I wasn't there. My best friend and I have decided that these aren't the kind of people we want to be around all the time.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I chose not to go to this party on saturday because of the above behavior and I was afraid that since it was at my friends house (Who did the stripping) it would happen again. not something I want to be around. Well at that party they decided that they have this week's gathering at our friends house that is closing on her new house today.

Well her sister who is sending out the emails sent out the email that it was going to be at Tricia's house and all this stuff and in the email she said "everyone brings a six pack of beer or so (more that you will drink, so plan accordingly, the leftovers are for Trish, think Honeyweiss) and an item or two of those housekeeping/cleaning items you never think to worry about until you have a house."

I love my friend Tricia and was planning on getting her a house warming gift, but I don't like the feeling obligated to do so. I emailed her sister and said we were bringing a bottle of wine and not sure what else and we would be there. She emailed me back and said "Don't forget the wine opener, she doesn't have one, I am sure! Or some other household cleaner stuff. "

I was going to revolt and just bring the wine & the bottle opener, but I am feeling like if I don't bring anything more that I will be "That person" that doesn't bring anything. i don't want these people talking about DH and I more than they probably already do. So I was thinking of going to get a bottle opener, and some bar glasses and I am refusing to get her cleaning supplies and toilet paper and stuff.

Aarrgghh I hate this kind of stuff.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 10:25am

Hmm - there seems to be a lot of background drama that is affecting what you want to do in this particular situation.

My honest opinion is that you should just bring a six pack and a couple knick-knack things for the house like they ask. It's really not a big investment, and it'll mean you won't be causing any additional drama. It's all about choosing your battles, you know? And this doesn't seem like a good battle to choose, since it really is a minor thing.

You can always get her a "real" housewarming gift and take it over on your own.

That being said, something does need to be done about the all the background stuff. Not sure what, since I don't know the whole story, but it would be better to deal with the big picture stuff instead of minor instances.

Good luck!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 10:42am

Thanks Alyssa - This group I don't think will ever deal with the background crap that is going on. My best friend and I decided that if we mention to our other friend that we were upset with her behavior and that of the other people in the group, that we would then be put down, talked about etc. so we decided to just leave it....

DH and I are actually thinking about pulling away completely except maybe the camping trip and a few nights here and there and starting our own thing of getting a group of people together once a month to hang out at our houses and cook dinner, that way people with children can come. DH wanted to start this so when we have kids we can still hang out with people.

:)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 11:21am
That sounds like a great plan to solve the whole thing! Sometimes we just outgrow some friends, you know? It's unfortunate, but it happens all the time once everyone begins to be in different places in life.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 1:10pm

Jess,


Ugh, so sorry to hear that you have to deal with that nonsense.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 2:36am

Stuff like this can be so annoying. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be so pushy & is just trying to do something nice. I would bring what ever you feel like & not worry about it. It's not like you really can know what she'll actually need anyway. You could even just decide to do a little gift card so she can get what ever she needs. Or just bring the wine & say you wanted to wait 7 see what she really needs before getting her some random, possibly useless item. :)


Hopefully in the end it will be totally fine. GL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
In reply to: lady_bug_0600
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 9:30am

Thanks for all the advice. I went to Target last night and got her a set of 4 beer mugs (she is a major beer drinker) and a wine opener/bottle opener and a bottle of wine. it all worked out. The entire night was filled with awkward tension. a friend of ours who is not in the group anymore because she broke up with a guy in the group was there and his mom was there and these two women hate each other.

You never really realize how childish people can be, until you see a 60 year old woman not leave a kitchen because her son's ex girlfriend is in the living room. I mean seriously! Grow up. Anyway it's done, she loved the gift, it was a lot cooler than cleaning supplies :)

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