Rant: Boss won't let up on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Rant: Boss won't let up on me
9
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 12:09pm

Hi ladies,


I need your advice on my boss again. Lately she has been giving me a hard time no matter what I do - I'm not sure if she's pissed about the whole student teaching thing, or if she's pissed that she's going to lose me for 6 months while I'm on leave. I have been busting my butt trying to get this last project done before I leave in mid-Feb. and no matter what I do, she criticizes me. She is also pissed because a temp that was helping me just accepted a permanent position in another dept. so now I have no one to help me. This is not my problem and frankly, I'm happy for the temp to be getting away from my crazy boss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 12:55pm

Think about it this way, you can't control her behaviour but you can control your reaction to it. It cannot affect your health or the health of your baby if you do not react to it. Easier said than done I know - but try a few different techniques to see if you one fits you:


- think of your boss as an aging senior who is losing her mind. Understand that the things she says and does are driven by senility (this can also be a toddler/terrible twos who doesn't understand how to behave). I know it sounds wacky but it CAN work.


- when you get to work, try putting on a "shield". It is invisible but it protects you from offensive comments, other's negative attitudes and crankiness.


- when your boss is talking, nodding your head and let your eyes glaze over. Picture yourself is some happy place (I love the beach in Hawaii). Then just smile sympathetically and say, "sorry to hear that." or "things will get better!!" When someone is being really negative/difficult/cranky - happy/bubbliness is a sure fire way to get them to keep clear of you. Having been in your happy place, you will be too positive/happy for them to bother with you.


I have tried all of the above. And had varying success with each.


Sorry to hear that you have to deal with this and I hope you can find some peace!!


Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 1:15pm

Christine - I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

I was recently at a conference where there was a session on negotiations. One part of it was dealing with difficult people or situations. Here are some of the tips they gave that might help (some are the same as Dee mentioned as well):

Name the Game - this tells the person who is being difficult how you're feeling without pointing fingers too much. For example, if someone said to you "I don't have enough time for your BS", you could say "I know you didn't intend to insult me, I just need a few minutes of your time. I really need your perspective on this issue". It's like calling them out, but in a really nice way :)

Go to the Balcony - if things get out of control, imagine yourself walking away, up a set of stairs, and looking at the situation from a balcony. This will give you a different perspective on things, and the most pressing or "real" issues will come out. You can then focus on these once you get back into the conversation.

Put on a Raincoat - just like Dee's shield idea. Put on your raincoat at work and imaging that everything bad that is said/done just washes right off of it. It allows you to keep your emotions even, and when you leave work, leave your raincoat too (don't take the problems home with you).

Put Yourself in a Beautiful Place - imagine yourself at the beach, or in front of a fire with your hubby, or with your darling baby. This will calm your emotions while in the situation. Another idea similar to this is to stare at an object just beyond the person you're talking to - like a poster or lamp or something. It will shift your focus and let you calm down.

Step to Their Side: move to a curiosity view point. Try to figure out why they are feeling/acting that way. Paraphrase what they are saying and ask for corrections. Acknowledge their view point, agree without conceding, and go from saying "either/or" to "and" when talking about your difference of opinions.

And the best piece of advice: be relentlessly pleasant! It's hard for someone to treat you like dirt if you stay calm and don't get emotional.

Good luck - at least it's only 3 more months. Are you going to continue to work there after your mat leave?

Lots of (((hugs))) - I hope some of this helped.





Powered by CGISpy.com

Thanks to Katie, Tara, and Joelle for my wonderful siggies!




pregnancy calendar






Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2009
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 2:35pm
Christine it is always unfortunate to have to deal with a boss that is being a real witch. I have had those same problems with mine in the past and at one point I asked her point blank if there was something wrong because I felt like she was constantly picking on me. We had a chat and she told me why she was being so hard on me which could have been total BS, but at least she knew that I have picked up on her witchyness and she kind of curved the behavior some. I don't know what you should do, but I know that letting her know what is on your mind about how she is treating you could at least make you feel a little better. It is not like she can get rid of you for that and besides she will now be aware that you notice it and hopefully (hopefully) your remaining months could go a little better for your sanity and health. I hope your situation gets better!!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 3:01pm

Thanks ladies for the suggestions. I did put some holiday music on when I got back to my desk and that helped take my mind off things. I always have a hard time letting go and tend to let things sit for awhile but if I'm going to keep my sanity for the next 3 months, I have to learn to let the things she says/does roll off my back. Alyssa - to answer your question, I may or may not be coming back after maternity leave, it depends on if I decide to do my student teaching next fall. My maternity leave will end just as the student teaching starts so I'm hoping I won't have to come back at all.


I just went to lunch with two of my co-workers (felt good to blow off some steam!), both of whom are friends of mine, and learned that she's now starting to spread lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 3:04pm

(((HUGS))) I'm So so sorry that you're having to deal with someone that's so all over the place & difficult! It's not hard enough just being preggo, right?! People have given some great ideas for coping techniques that may help

 Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 9:49pm

Christine - Sorry that your boss is being like this. Before I read your second post I was going to tell you that maybe your boss had some personal stuff going on at home or something that was affecting her work, but since she seems to be spreading lies about you that seems a bit different. I would try to keep a list of that stuff and go to HR if it doesn't get better. A lot of what people said sounds like good ideas.

Good luck and vent here when you need to. that's what we are here for!

Photobucket





Thanks Michelle for my Awesome Sig



Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker






My WTT Blog




Photobucket
Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 1:49pm

Well ladies, I got great news today! No, my boss was not fired (wishful thinking!) but next week, I'm being moved to a new cubicle! It's

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 5:49pm
That's great news, Christine!! I hope that it really helps a lot with the situation, and makes the next 3 months a bit more bearable!




Powered by CGISpy.com

Thanks to Katie, Tara, and Joelle for my wonderful siggies!




pregnancy calendar






Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 11:56pm
WHOOHOO!!! Now that's good news!
Photobucket
 Photobucket