RANT: the inlaws

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
RANT: the inlaws
9
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:43am

I need to vent...
My SIL and DH's grandma are getting on my nerves lately... Well, not lately. Some of this started when I got pregnant. They are so invasive!

SIL: She's one of those "happy people". Always jumping and celebrating and being just a little annoying... ( I know... I'm a bitter old hag). When I got pregnant, she was ecstatic, she bought clothes for the baby and toys, and I thought "she's really happy for us". Then she greeted me every time by grabbing my belly and talking baby talk to it for several minutes, and I thought "this is a little weird". Then she wanted to come to our big reveal u/s, and I thought "it's too much". A few months ago she got PG and I thought she would have her own baby to think of, but no...she seems to have energy for both!!!!! But the other day I got really mad... I was at her place, and went to the bathroom, leaving Fede with her. When I came out I found her with the baby on her lap, she had him wear a head piece with a bright flower and was taking photos!!!! I asked her why and she says "It's just that he has such a pretty hair!! When I have my daughter, I'll do this all the time" and I replied "Yes, do it with your daughter, not with MY SON!"
It may have sounded harsh, but I couldn’t help it!

DH’s grandma: She’s lived in the country for most of her life, so she has a wide “knowledge” of home remedies and folklore that she’s always kind of imposing on me. She’s always “curing the evil eye” on Fede (something I tolerate because it’s harmless), suggesting he is “empachado” (upset liver) and such. Oh, she’s also a former cook, so everything I do in the kitchen is wrong… Every time she come to dinner the following happens… “Oh, you prepare xx that way??, I do it like this, let me show you”
And next thing I know, she’s doing all the cooking and I’m out of my own kitchen!!!!!!! Even DH has realized this, but we don’t want to say anything for the sake of family peace.
And yesterday, she and MIL dropped by. I offered them tea and some toasts. At some point I went to the bathroom and when I came back, Fede was in her lap and she was feeding him an entire spoon of quince jelly. And I told her “oh, don’t give the baby that! I had to scrape a weird fungus of the top yesterday!” (it’s homemade jelly, so it doesn’t have any preservatives) And she answered “oh, it won’t do him any harm” and gave him some more!!! So I took him from her arms and stormed from the room.
It’s just that I’m the mother, she should have asked me before feeding him something. And if I explicitely tell her no, she must stop, right?????? The “#$&% probably would have given him honey if it were on the table!!!

Am I over reacting??

PhotobucketDaisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie First Birthday tickersLilypie Breastfeeding tickersPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 11:01am

You are definitely not over-reacting! That would drive me nuts too! Your SIL is treating Fede like a personal "doll" she can dress up :P As for your GIL - it's a generational thing. I'm sure she's thinking that she fed that kind of thing to her kids, so what's the harm? Well, our parents generation smoked and drank while pregnant, but we know better now --- same goes for food!!

ITA that Fede is your child, so you get to call the shots. Maybe Mati and you need to sit down with them and lay out some ground rules.

(((hugs))) - IL's can be so frickin' annoying.





Powered by CGISpy.com







I love the sig offers at SMFB








Powered by CGISpy.com

<
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 11:17am

I don't think you're overreacting. DH and I would be the same way.

DH already told his mom that if she didn't play by our rules, she'd lose grandbaby time! He's pretty serious about it, even though he said it to her in a joking way.

You're the parent and need to be respected as such.






Photobucket



Photobucket

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
pregnancy



12/08~ Azoospermia dx

3/09~ Found good doctor for mTESE, save $ for IVF

6/14/10~ IVF #1, BFP 7/5, beta 7/8~200, beta 7/12~761, beta 7/14~1682






iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:54pm

Personal stories about insane SILs to make you laugh....

2 years (while DS was 4 mind you) he was sleeping over SILs, at that time my niece was 3 and SIL was PG w/ her DS. So they had no boy toys in the house.... My niece wanted to play dress up and somehow my SIL convinced DS to play dress-up w/ pretty princess clothes, proceed to put make-up on him and take pictures. Need I say more?

I'm sorry the ILs are being rough, just try and see them as much as you can tolerate. That's partly why we moved so far away from everyone.

Photobucket



Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:36pm

I'll be honest I don't see the big deal about the hat- I mean I don't think babies can have gender issues and if Fede didn't mind then I wouldn't either but I also think when a person is just irritating to you in general then things that might not have bothered you much become much more annoying- which I understand:)

The grandma thing would drive me crazy though, especially when you specifically said no to her and she continued on. Honestly it sounds to me like talking to her won't help so I would just make sure to never leave her alone with Fede. When she comes over perhaps you can always just ask her to make something and not even bother trying to cook? As I think the worst is when someone tries to "help" and then completely takes over, but if she is doing it herself from the beginning maybe it won't bother you as much.

(((Hugs)))

Photobucket
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:52pm
Yes it would completely drive me insane as well. Your baby is NOT a doll and GIL needs to butt out of feeding issues. I`m growling for you...many hugs, maybe your DH can say something to the women in his family about their behavior?? Good luck!
Photobucket

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 12:15am

(((HUGS))) Mari! I can see how the hat thing disturbed you but I would be more upset by the food. I agree with Ruby that your DH should be the one to say something, esp. if it upsets you this much.


I totally know how you feel because my ILs have been irritating me since the day Selin was born! I have known them for 8 years and up until now, we've always had a great relationship but since Selin was born, I feel like everything they say/do irritates me! If you don't mind, I'd like to add my own vent. :-)


We were at MILs house tonight for BILs birthday celebration. First of all, the start time was 6:30pm which is a bad time for us because Selin goes to bed as early as 7/7:30. They always have the gatherings in the early evenings which as anyone who has a baby knows, is "the witching hour". Of course she wouldn't take a nap before we left the house so by 7:30, she was getting cranky and wanting to go to bed. One of the ongoing issues is that my MIL has no suitable sleeping place for an infant. Selin is her 2nd grandchild and my SIL is due with the 3rd grandchild in just 10 weeks so you would think by now my MIL would have invested in a crib or PNP but no, her answer is always "oh just put her on my bed". Um, no! I'm not going to put a rolling 6 mo. old to sleep on your bed! Also, DH's family is quite loud when the whole family gathers and I wouldn't be able to hear Selin from her room with all the noise. I usually just end up bringing her home to go to bed while DH stays behind and gets a ride home from his sister (we all live in the same town so it's no big deal).


My other pet peeve is that my ILs have their TV on pretty much all the time. I've made several comments to them (and to DH) that Selin does not need to be watching TV but they don't seem to get it. I don't mind if it's on occasionally here and there but when I am home with her, I rarely have the tv on and I certainly don't want her to become a zombie in front of it like they have done with my BIL's 2 y/o DD. Of course when the TV is on, Selin is attracted to it and then my ILs go "oh, but she likes the TV!" Well, duh, of course she's going to want to watch it but that doesn't mean she should!


Lastly, as soon as we walk in the door, my MIL shrieks in excitement and of course Selin at first is kinda scared of her so my MIL always says, "she looks at me like I'm a stranger". Well maybe if you weren't so over-the-top with your greeting and gave us a chance to actually get her out of her car seat before you get all up in her face, then she wouldn't look at you that way! Also, when BILs DD is there, my MIL basically ignores her and is only interested in Selin. I can tell my niece gets jealous and feels ignored. My MIL also always has to be wherever I am, esp. if I'm holding Selin. If I'm eating in another room, she's got to sit right next to me.


Everytime we go over there now I feel my anxiety level go up a notch and I'm constantly trying to find the right balance between being an over-protective FTM to a laid-back daughter-in-law. I'm only this way when we're at their house - when we're with my family or friends, I'm totally relaxed. When I first went back to my FT job and we discussed them babysitting for us one day/week, they were agreeable to everything and then as the time got closer, they started changing the conditions so finally DH and I decided it wasn't going to work. Now that I'll only be working PT, she has offered once again to babysit but I'm holding firm to my wishes because as far as I'm concerned, if she doesn't want to do what we ask (like coming to our house where everything is already setup and she has a safe place to nap vs. bringing Selin to their house where she'll have to sleep on the floor and will likely be subjected to tv all day long) then she doesn't get to babysit. I'm trying to get DH to see where I'm coming from but the bottom line is that if I'm not comfortable leaving her with them then they can't watch her.


Sorry for the novel. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. In the end, I am grateful that I get along with my ILs because I know it could be much worse. I am counting the days until my SILs baby is here so my MIL can hover over her instead of me. :-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 10:52am

Hi girls. Thanks for the support. I've talked about this with DH and although he sees it as "annoying", he doesn't think it is a big deal.
I suppose I'll have to let them know that some behavior isn't ok, but in a subtle way. I thought that if GIL is ever in the kitchen with me and asks if I want her help, I'll just have to say to her politely "no thanks" and deal with the consequence. And I'll make sure she never feeds Fede again. Apparently, it's just the way she is... my other SIL was telling me how GIL was so invasive all the time.

Ash- About the headpiece (which was a headband w/flower, not a hat). I agree with you, rationally I know a baby won't have any gender issues and he was not bothered at all. But in a irrational level I was really pissed... I guess it's like some of you said, that she was using my baby as a human doll.... with gender confusion on top of all! LOL!

Christine- I feel for you! Your MIL sound nice but really annoying!!

PhotobucketDaisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie First Birthday tickersLilypie Breastfeeding tickersPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:40pm
I had an idea what you meant:) Honestly if it was a friend of mine they could dress Teddy up in a dress and I wouldn't care. But that is just me, plus I think it really changes things when it isn't your best friend or a close friend but rather someone who tends to get on your nerves!
Photobucket
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:48pm

GL Mari! My DH is the same way about my complaints about his mom