Really Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Really Need Advice
9
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:50pm

Hi everyone,

This is kind of cross-posted from the Nov. EC, but I've added some background. (Here's the post if you want:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-prnov10n&msg=1314.1&ctx=0)

So, I had an in-person interview with this really great company yesterday. I think it went really well, and I'm really excited about the opportunity.

I did see a couple people sneaking peaks at my belly, but I didn't say anything about my pregnancy outright. I actually went to talk to a career counselor about this before hand. They said at no time during the interview process do I have to disclose that information. In fact, I don't even need to disclose it if/when I get hired. There are definitely laws that protect my interests in that type of situation.

But, I've been really struggling with the decision of if/when to tell them. I know there is absolutely no obligation for me to tell them, but at the same time I feel like I should sooner than later.

Tomorrow I am talking with the VP (who I met with at the interview yesterday) to ask some follow up questions, and am seriously considering telling her about my pregnancy.

What I'm struggling with are the following:
- I think I'm pretty obviously pregnant, so on one hand I feel like I shouldn't have to say anything, but on the other hand I don't want them to feel like I'm trying to "hide" it either by not coming right out and saying "Hi, I'm Alyssa, and I'm pregnant"
- I am worried that if I tell them, that they will not want to hire me
- I am worried that if I tell them, they will think I'm trying to "corner" them into hiring me (i.e., they will think if they don't extend an offer to me I will "create problems" for them, or sue them for discrimination or something)

In my head, I know I don't have to disclose this information right now, but in my heart I feel like I should so that they don't think I'm trying to take advantage of them for some reason.

Just for more info, there is still another round in the interview process, which would be in early July at the earliest.

If you made if this far, thank you!! Any suggestions or help would be appreciated, because this is causing me a lot of anguish right now!!

TIA!!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 4:47pm

Thanks Mari!

So, I didn't end up saying anything. If I get to the third interview stage, then I will say something then. I figure there's no point right now, especially since they seem to love me :) (she said that they are all really happy that I'm interested in this position!).

Thanks for all the advice, ladies - it really helped! I'll keep you posted!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 2:42pm
I think the ladies already gave you great advice. All that is left is to say "GOOD LUCK WITH THE JOB!!!"
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 8:49am

Thanks everyone! What you have said makes me feel much better about my initial decision to not say anything.

Plus, since there is another interview stage (it would be the third), there really is no point for me to say anything now. If I don't get to that stage, then it really doesn't matter, and if I do get to that stage, it will be so obvious that I'm pregnant.

A couple of you asked about the position - I don't want to say much, but it is for a not-for-profit company (so outside of an academic setting, which is where I am working now).

I will be talking to the VP this afternoon - I'll let you know what I end up doing!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:39am


I was totally thinking that



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:34am

My thought is that there are laws about this for a reason and I think everyone on both sides should stick to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:33am

Alyssa, I think I would just keep it to myself. You are not obligated to tell them, and it is illegal for them to ask - and they totally know that. If you wear something that makes it obvious then they can't really accuse you of trying to hide it either.


I read the response from the other girl on your EC, and while that is her opinion, unfortunately a lot of managers aren't that enlightened. They want someone who can do the job. I really don't want to discourage you, but my company once hired a girl who was probably only 10-12 weeks pregnant, and after they found out she was pregnant, I overheard the managers joking (?) later that had they known they probably would have hired someone else. HOWEVER - the managers in my company were less than professional at best, and had no business managing a hole in the wall at worst. It was also only a reception position and -



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 10:16pm

I wouldn't say anything - it's not their business and it's not important to who you are as an employee, at least not in the long-term. I think especially because there will be a second round of in-person interviews in July... it will be totally obvious then, and you can certainly comment on it if you want to then, but even then you don't have to!

Okay so that wasn't very helpful... but I think the bottom line is that you don't have to feel bad or like you are hiding something from them by *not* telling them outright. Easier said than done, I know! :) I know your line of work well... I know how hard this is :/

GL Alyssa!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:14pm

Well, when I talk to her tomorrow it will be on the phone, so it won't work for then :)

I was thinking of doing that if I get an invitation to the next round of interviews. I mean, by then it will be even more obvious that it is now (and I really do think it's obvious now - I've had strangers ask when my due date is!). The only thing that makes me think twice about doing that is wondering if they'll think that I'm not being upfront with them if I don't come right out and say it.

You know what's funny though? I was totally okay with my decision not to say anything until that girl responded to me on the EC thread. Now I'm totally questioning everything!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:55pm
Alyssa--Is there any way that you could just wear something that shows off your stomach pretty obviously, and then not say anything directly but they'll probably know? As you point out, there are pros and cons to telling and not telling, so maybe that would be a nice "out"? Good luck either way!
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