Daddy Centered/ Anti Mommy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Daddy Centered/ Anti Mommy
2
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 10:25am

I work long hours 3 days a week. Often my work times are overnights so when I am going on or off overnights it knocks off at least part of a day on both ends. I started this job just under a year ago and overall I like it fairly well and the income it provides has actually allowed us to buy a home in our new area sooner than we expcted.

DH is wonderful and though he works more than full time also, his hours are slightly more conventional. He has taken over a lot of bed times in particular. Now starting 6-9 months ago DS (3.5 years old) only wants him to do bed time. The one night a week DH takes and has game night with his buddies is always a strain for me though I generally love spending time with DS. Sometimes those nights are when I am coming off overnights the night before making it even more difficult as I am still recovering and not quite on a normal sleep shedule yet. 

I was coming to terms with all that but now DS is getting to the point where he actually started hitting and kiking me and having a total melt down this morning that I was here and not Daddy and I was going to be the one bringing him to shool. (Sorry having a problem with my "C" key - it only works sometimes.)

Anyway I feel like this is escalating and I don't know if there is sometime I can do without changing jobs. I have been trying to just be present during bedtimes when I am home but I don't know if that helps.

I am glad that DS and DH are doing so well and are so bonded but I worry that I am going to be m'ore like a babysitter in DS mind than Mommy. He repeatedly tells me he doesn't like me and to go away. Not always. We have some fun together but Daddy is number one and I feel like chopped liver most days. The hardest part is when DH isn't home and DS says he doesn't want me around.

Anybody have thoughts? Is it extreme to think about changing jobs (if I even can at this point)? Ultimately I know I am not going to be there for the next 10 years and I want to find something ultimately that lets me be home with DS more but right now it makes financial sense (At least until we can sell the house we moved out of and are urrently renting out).

Feeling like persona non grata!

---Kristy 

Siggie
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 10:34am

Most, if not all kids, go through stages where they like mommy more than daddy, or daddy more than mommy.  You have had quite an adjustment this last year with moving out of state, DS being with dad more when you moved ahead (if i remember your situation right), and now that dad has taken over more of the child rearing duties.  I know it is upsetting, but it wont' last forever, I promise.  What do you all do together as a family?  I would just focus on family time and then also make special time for you and DS to do when you are home, a trip to the park, playing outside, etc.  I would also see if there is a pretty set routine that DH follows at bedtime, and just continue that same routine with DS so that he knows that even if its not dad doing it, its still a predictable routine.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 3:36pm
Yeah. I pretty much do all that. I am with them for some bedtimes and I pretty muh established the routine so I know it fairly well. He hasn't hanged much. I guess I just need to be more patient. It is just getting hard as it is becoming more pronounced rather than improving. And you do have a good memory. There was about a month I was driving back and forth last year. Also, the days I work I don't see either one of them at all when it is overnight and when it is day I almost never see DS as Ileave before he gets up and get home after bedtime. If I do get home it is right at bedtime and just seems to muck up the process. If I am going to get home before DS is in bed on my work days, sometimes I wonder if I should just stay later so that things can be normal and then I will be home after he goes down. However, as much as things don't go as smoothly with that timing I can't bring myself to miss the opportunity to see DS.
Siggie