Grown daughter told me that I was never there for her and that she raised herself.... this hurts!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Grown daughter told me that I was never there for her and that she raised herself.... this hurts!
3
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 9:44am

Hi All...

I am a husband of a wonderful woman who worked from before her daughter was born until she was able to retire a couple of years ago.  My wife was a very successful senior manager at a Fortune 100 company and I too was a successful Fortune 100 senior manager.  My wife divorced her first husband when her daughter was 3 basically because it was a bad marriage and this guy could not hold a job for more than a few weeks... so she had to become successful to support herself and her daughter.  I came into their lives when her daughter was 6.  We both did well in Corporate America and were able to furnish our daughter with warm loving homes, food on the table, wonderful family vacations, excellent education including an out-of-state college, cars, clothes, you name it... yes, my wife's job was significant and she could not be there for some of the high school soccer games and other daytime functions, but she was always there for her daughter otherwise.... 

OK... so this week, our daughter is visiting us.  She is now 29 and married and she and her husband are thinking it is time to have some babies... so we got into the discussion last night and our daughter looked at her mom and said that she probably would end her career so that she could be a mother... that my wife was never there for her and that she basically had to raise herself.... well, needless to say, this caused great pain for my wife who loves her daughter more than anyone will ever know.... 

Thus I needed to reach out and ask some of you... how can I help my wife with this great wound that our daughter has caused?  My wife is cut to the core... I know our daughter loves her mother and I know that our daughter knows that her mother loves her... but the damage has been done, and my wife feels like she is a total failure as a mom now... she cried herself to sleep last night... and it just kills me to see her hurt so bad....

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated....

Signed...

The man in the middle

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
I agree with the other poster. Your wife did what she thought was right and did her best as a mother to raise her daughter. She can't help that her daughter views it differently, her daughter has a right to those feelings, just as your wife has a right to her feelings. I think it would be a good idea for them to sit down again at a nuetral time and discuss things, and your wife let her daughter know that she supports whatever decision she decides as a wife and mother, but what she did she thought was best at the time, it can't be changed, but she can be there for her going forward. Your step daughter may or may not understand or appreciate things more once she has her own children, but hopefully once she does, she will at least have a better understanding overall of the decisions we make as parents. I know that doesn't help your wife with her hurt right now though. Hugs to her!!
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