It is a relief for me to see that other teachers are going through the same thing I am - discouragement, disillusionment, and disrespect.
I'm discouraged because I was trained to be a good teacher, and yet every day I have to fight just to do the bare minimum of my job. My class management is shot because I travel to each classroom, and many of these rooms are totally messy and disorganized. My lessons are rushed and dull because my classes all use (different) scripted reading programs. My administrators joke about what a good sport I am, but I hate being less of a teacher than I should be.
I'm disillusioned because I wanted to be a creative, inspiring teacher, and I feel that I've become a tired, stressed out, irritable person in front of the room. I don't feel like I'm teaching - I'm just managing. I felt like I had a lot to offer to teenagers and soon-to-be college students, and now I'm killing myself just to get these kids to come to school and sit in their seats.
I feel disrespected by my district, by other teachers, and by my students. My district keeps piling on responsibilities and withdrawing support. Other teachers, when faced with growing class sized and pay cuts, have turned on newer teachers (me) and have voiced a desire to see us laid off. I used to have excellent classroom management and now it is exhausting to run the class. Instead of kids being inspired, they're cussing me out for asking them to open their books. This is ALL DAY.
Thank you for all your stories, and helping me feel like I'm not alone!