I always wanted to make sure I was the kind of mom my 14 yo daughter could tell anything to. Well, be careful what you ask for.
Here's what happened. I apologize for the graphic nature, but I will present it just as it was presented to me. This morning, on the way to school, she causually told me that her best friend called last night to tell her that her boyfriend had "fingered" her and wanted to know how she should give a "hand job". I took a deep breath and asked the question..."Why did she ask you? Have you done it?"
Of course you can guess the answer. She told me that she and her boyfriend had been doing that for a while, but "no oral". I guess I should be greatful for that. I can't talk about this with her dad. He lives in another state and it would be "my fault" no matter what I said.
I know that things are different now and kids are more sexually active than when I was young. Part of my panic has to do with some issues with my own early sexual experiences - so I'm trying to keep this in mind. My daughter is mature in many ways, but like all kids they only live for the moment. I have done my best to make sure that opportunities for this kind of thing are limited - someone always home, open doors, lights on, etc. They only see each other a couple of times a week - different schools.
I can't say the same for his mom, we've never discussed it (I know, bad move). Problem is, if I bring it up now, my daughter will know its a result of her conversation with me and I don't want her to stop talking about these kinds of issues. Also, what about her friend's confession. Her mom and stepdad are good friends of mine. Do I tell them?
Please let me know how you have addressed such issues. Please, no lectures about kids and dating or premarital sex. I need realistic approaches to this situation.
Thanks so much!