My husband and I have been married for 12 years. 8 years ago we had a real rocky point in our marriage, but we got through it. Well over these 8 years a lot has happened, hubby lost job, 2 children, 2 moves...and in these 8 years my husband hasn't really seemed himself since he lost his job 7 years ago. His moods were always so up and down. Recently he really seemed distant and my gut was telling me something just isn't right here so I kept pushing and pushing to see what was going on. I finally got it out of him one night. He wrote me a letter and read it to me...8 years ago at a out of town work conference he slept with a colleague one night. He said he had a lot to drink and felt horrible the next morning. He said that he regrets everything that happened and never had a relationship with this woman. I guess she was married too and both had a lot to drink that night. My hubby told me when this happened and sure enough it was the time when we were going through a rough time. I know there is no excuse smooth or rough times in the marriage but it puts my mind at ease a little to know when it was. He said over the years he has become more ashamed with himself and would often distant himself from me and over the years it has gotten worse. He has built a strong faith with God over the years and that is why I believe he finally told me and brought peace for himself too. When this happened we did not have children yet and had been married for 4 years. There is a little part of me that makes things a little better because I didn't have children yet when he did this. To know that he has kept this in for 8 years makes me sick. I know that he didn't have to tell me but I am having a real hard time dealing with this! I never thought he would do such a thing to me, I'm sure most women think that. We have gone to counseling but I find the counselors start bringing up our childhood years and behaviors of our parents. I just want advice on how to heal. Its been 4 months now since I found out. When I found out there was relief because I have felt for years hubby just hasn't been himself but I am angry because the burden he has had for 8 years is now lifted and put on me, ugh!!!I have shared this info with my mom , sister and best friend. Like we all say time will only tell what will happen. There are days when I'm fine but MANY days they are full of sadness and hurt. I love him and we have 2 children together so how do I get through this. I need some really good books to read or strategies, something! I want to believe that he would never do this to me again but I never thought he would ever do it in the first place. Our minister has told us that this can make us stronger and I agree I just need to find a way to get through the hurt and find healing. I pray but I need more. I keep telling myself my hubby didn't have to tell me this, was it a good idea that he did? I think so because over the years with his mood changes and fighting we have done if he wouldn't had told me we may have been on the road to divorce. Need help with healing and forgiveness.