I'm not sure if this is a good place to post this, please let me know if it isn't... But here's the breakdown of my husband's affair, after reading all the emails between him and his mistress:
December '08 - They start emailing and coming on to each other, right after she left his office to be a SAHM to her 2 month old son (ours was one month old at the time). The conversation turns sexual, he even spends his birthday with her online for 8 hours straight. He also leaves the house to call her and tells me it's about work (I remember this because it was on our oldest son's birthday and I later read the email)
March '09 - They've been in contact all this time without meeting for sex, because one of them always backs out. She says she wants to see the chemistry between them, schedules a happy hour with people from work - he stands her up, then writes back apologizing and begging to meet. They have some kind of fight over the phone, according to one email, then he stops writing her altogether.
July '09 - She's invited to a birthday party via email, he's part of the email, and she "replies to all" to say she can't make it. He writes to her asking how she's been, she replies coldly. That's the end.
September '09 - She invites his office to her son's birthday party. He declines but writes back all chatty and trying to bait her. She replies politely and he immediately (within 1 minute) writes back and tells her "don't be a stranger" and he would "love to see her". They decide to talk on the phone, then she emails him, COPIES HER HUSBAND, and asks my husband to call her because hers will be listening in (she got caught). My husband calls and saves her (I know this because she emails thanking him).
December '09 - She visits the office near Christmas. According to emails, he invited her into his office, wanted her to touch him, she said no, and she might go back to work there. More phone calls (I don't know what they said). Emails about children, how he has been, his life, her as a mom, etc. He tells her she's doing "the right thing" by staying home and shouldn't go back to work.
January '10 - After deciding that they wouldn't resume their affair until she got back to work in his office, she changes her mind and writes him asking him to meet her right away. He leads her on for a week, never setting a date, and finally stops responding.
April '10 - He emails her saying that he misses her and can she please meet him. She says yes, but not until 3 weeks later. Then, she goes to his office and they have sex for the first time. She emails him the next day to set a date, again he leads her on for a week, without setting a date. A lot of emails about our lives and the kids.
May '10 - She emails breaking up with him, saying that it's because she felt "guilty" and couldn't do it anymore - tells him to never contact her again. He doesn't.
July '10 - She visits the office for a friend's birthday. He knows she'll be there and later admits to rushing everyone out of the office all day to make sure he could see her, and hangs up on me when she's about to leave without talking to him. He invites her into his office and apparently they had sex. He tells her he'd be off the following week but would shoot her an email once he got back. His emails are a lot more emotional and they spend a huge amount of time discussing the kids, our routines, him complimenting her on everything, and her child. He seems very interested in her life.
So what do you make of this? Doesn't she seem to be the one who has feelings, instead of him? Please be honest, I welcome all views. Thank you so much. This feelings vs. sex question really matters to me right now, I know it won't in a while but I would like to consider different perspectives before I confront him.