I just found out that my husband has been having an affair with the same woman for a year. I'm crushed. He took a sick day off and I was in the bedroom trying to nap, and I heard him on the phone. He was whispering, I thought that was strange and picked up the extension. He was talking to a woman.
I can't remember too much about the conversation but from what was said, they've been breaking up and getting back together for a whole year. Apparently, she had emailed him asking to meet and talk in person, and I think I caught them in the beginning of the conversation, because this is what I heard (there was more, but this is what I can remember):
Him: " I'm going to be out of town next week for 3 days... can it wait until I get back?"
Her: "Yeah, it can wait."
Him: "What's wrong? Am I in trouble? Let's talk about it, maybe I can make you feel better, answer questions... Just talk to me."
Her: "I've just been feeling weird about this, since the last time we had sex. This isn't easy for me the way it is for you. And I'm always the one looking for you to get this going, I don't think we see each other enough."
Him: "I know, I would see you every day, if I could, but work has been crazy. You know that I can only see you during the day, and only when I can get out of the office. That hasn't happened lately" (and then goes on to tell her everything that he's been dealing with at work, then talk about how "incredible" she is)
Her: "I understand, but this is barely happening. And I keep waiting to hear from you, and that upsets me. I think we need to end this."
Him: "If this is upsetting to you, then I agree. I don't see my schedule changing and I think I set up the wrong expectations for you. We've been doing this for a year now but my life is nonstop busy. I'm the breadwinner, there are a lot of people losing their jobs here, I can't just leave the office in the middle of the day for 3 or 4 hours..."
Then I don't remember what came next, but at some point he said "I want this to be fun for us, I don't want to get into any of the emotional stuff... because that's when you get in trouble..." and she said "I don't want that either, I think I'm the one who said that first, that this should be only about sex. But if this isn't happening, then what's the point?".
He goes on to say that he means her no harm, starts talking dirty... She doesn't engage him, and he actually stops. He respected her wish, which doesn't sound like him at all. He seemed very careful about her feelings the whole time, which killed me. He's not usually like that. Even his tone of voice with her was different.
Then he changed his story and asked her to pick up the conversation once he gets back from his trip. She said "So, this is it?" and he went "No, I want us to talk about this when I get back...".
My question is, I thought it was strange that he brought up "emotional stuff", or feelings. They weren't on that subject at all, from what I recall. It came from him.
Could that mean that he's been trying to keep it only sexual but has feelings for her anyway? Does this sound like a fling only?
My head is spinning right now, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to grasp if this is something serious or not. I never thought he could do this to me. If any of you have some insight, please share.
(I know I shouldn't care about whether or not he has feelings for her, but I do. What do you think?)