New to the forum. Husband confessed to a 3 yr emotional and physical affair that ended in Jan. 2009. He was forced to confess after I received 2 anonymous notes in the mail.Don't know if she sent them but odds are she did. She also called my home after he ended it. My husband has done all the right things to heal me and our marriage.He is beyond remorseful and is horrified that everything he convinced himself about me and our marriage was absolutely wrong. He has days where the guilt about what he's done is overwhelming. Trusting him doesn't seem to be my issue anymore. I am stuck on how he could do something like this. How he could justify his actions, kiss me goodbye every morning like he had for the first 22 yrs of our marriage and then get into bed with her before the day was over. I am disgusted that he could do such a thing. I've read that it is impossible to understand the cheater because I have never cheated. I go for days where everything between us is fine and then I just lose it. I rant and rave and make him feel absolutely awful. I do it over and over. Asking the same questions, convincing myself once again that cheating ends everything. That I can't live the rest of my life with someone who was so morally bankrupt that they could commit such a terrible crime against me. Is anyone else struggling with this? I am stuck in this terrible place. I try to tell myself that if I could survive cancer I can survive this. To be honest, I would rather deal with the cancer. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my respect for him and myself at the same time. How do I get it back?