Just wanted to share a book that has helped me alot. It is a Christian book that I purchased at the Christian book store for $11. It's called "Hope After Betrayal". Its written by a Christian wife named Meg Wilson who was betrayed by her husband and while it mildly focuses on sex addiction in some parts which was her experience of betrayal, it still has been a tremendous help to me with learning how to deal with the anger and emotions, the bad thoughts that pop into your head constantly, self-esteem issues, understanding and controlling your reactions, and healing. While I still struggle daily, it has helped me alot to get myself out of that dark place the betrayal has held me in.
Update on my situation: dd#1 11/22/08, dd#2 3/13/09 Affair ended sometime in the end of April, OW still attempting contact, dh finally acting involved in our family again wholeheartedly and being open, saying and doing all the right things, no longer hiding phone and seems to inform me of her contact and let me listen to the voice mail she left last sat about how she knows he doesnt want to talk to her but she just thought she'd call. He even told me I could answer if she called again, that maybe that would stop her, that he cant stand her, she's ruining his life and he wants her out of it. Why she doesnt get a clue by now, I dont know, she knows he wronged her too (he took money from her, lied to her ALOT of course, promised her tons of undelivered things, stranded her at an airport 3 hours away with her kids after promising to pick her up); and I made sure she got a full dose of the truth which she wasnt interested in hearing in the least; including a brief look at our online family photos just for a reality check that yes, we do exist and we are real people; and she just doesnt seem to care. She just keeps coming back like the living dead. But I suppose some of thats dh's fault for not blocking her or laying down the law about her contact, which is going to be our next conversation, and if he has a problem with that, then obviously theres a reason. I feel like maybe he has closed the door alot, but afraid to completely sever it.