As for xMM, I too went back thinking that the FRIEND thing would work. I thought WE were different. Heck, I thought he was a caring human being. I was wrong on ALL counts!
Today, marks day 38 of NC for me and what is helping me get through it is NOT dwelling on why he did what he did or why he didn't do this or that. I'm just at that NUMB point when it comes to HIM. Period! At the same time, I'm working hard in trying to understand how I can get to a spiritual connection with God because accomplishing that task WILL be what will make me a stronger and better and healthier individual. And hopefully, an individual that will make better future choices.
Honey, you too need to stop dwelling on the past and what could have been but won't be. Start concentrating on what YOU can do to change yourself so that you'll never allow another JERK like that into your life.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to put these relationships behind us... but if I (and so many others here) can do it... I know you also can do it!
Just flush that man, his wife and the entire past down the toilet... After all, that is where they belong.
PS....This new format is frustrating me so if you want to email me, please do firstname.lastname@example.org  Hey, the preview message shows 12:25 AM and it's only 10:55 PM!!!