I just need to get this off my chest and I am not sure how else to do it. Here is what happened: Friday we got our first negative preg. test for IVF #1. I was disappointed but ok because I have 3 other blasts in the freezer. However I lost it competely when they told me I have to do the whole IVF cycle all over again from start to finish because of a law they are about to pass in our state. I am a teacher and they are going to take away our collective barganing rights which will affect our ability to bargain for our healthcare cost and coverage. We will be paying much more as a premium and it is a distinct possibility that we will lose the infertility coverage we have now. I only make a $30,000 a year and cannot afford IVF without some kind of coverage. I know this is insignigicant to anyone who is paying compeltely out of pocket for their IF treatments but I am scared that without our coverage we aren't ever going to have kids. We would probably have to stop treatment completely once the bill goes into effect. I was disappointed that IVF #1 did not work...I am just beside myself that I have to do this all over again. I was expecting to do a FET first. Politics=BLAH!

To vent just a bit more...my little sister just had baby #2 (adorable) 2 weeks ago (i'm happy for her and he's so cute) but she is driving me crazy. All she talks about is her kids ( and I LOVE both of them) but I am tired of hearing about it while we go through all of this. I know I am overly sensitive, especially considering the news we got friday with our failed IVF#1 but she was complaing about getting my niece some chocolate milk while on the phone with me. She said. "You are so lucky you don't have to get any chocolate milk." (I know she was just venting, but this was less than 24 hours after my negative test, which I told her about) I just replied, "Lucky, yea." and got off the phone asap. Then lost it. I know its me and I know I will be fine and shouldn't let stuff like that get to me but AHHHHHHHHHHH. I just want to cry and scream for all the things I have been through and all the stuff the new IVF cycle is going to bring. ITS NOT FAIR (Yes, I know we all feel this way and I think it makes me sound like I am 5 years old, but that is how I feel today, its not fair.

My DH has been incredibly su;pportive. He spent the whole weekend with me and allowed me to redo out bathroom and bedrooms this weekend. I changed the fiurniture, fixtures, linens etc. and now it feels like a new house. He's great. I really should look at all the great things I have and I do have a lot. I love my husband, my dog (Lola), my house, my job...etc. I konw I have a lot to be happy...and I need to stay focused on that...boy is it hard. AF arrived this morning so I call the RE tomorrow to start all over again.....here goes nothin'........