I'm 25, mother of two healthy children - 7 & 4.5. I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in July 2009 and was told I probably wouldn't be able to have anymore children. My husband and I had pretty well accepted this fact, but we hoped a "miracle" would happen if we were meant to have more children. I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant on January 18, 2011 and was ecstatic.
At my first OB appointment they took what seemed like pints of blood for testing. Due to the back-to-back winter storms in the area, the lab was backed up and it took almost two weeks to get the results back. I got a call that the progesterine level was really low - 8.1 when it should be 20+. Doctor started me on hormones and, when she saw me at 12 weeks, she said everything should be fine. We had an ultrasound and our baby seemed to be putting on a show for us.
I went for my 16 week appointment Monday and there was no heartbeat. It seems the baby must have passed a couple days before - she measured 15.5 weeks. The doctor said I was at the borderline for being too far along to have a D&C, and she highly recommended I deliver so as to not risk harming my uterus. On March 17, 2011, I delivered our little girl at 11:15 a.m. She was 6 inches and 72 grams. We're waiting for autopsy results, as there was no clear indication as to what went wrong.
Now I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. Anything sets me off and once I start crying, I can't stop. I can't sleep without medication. I'm still cramping. It just seems like each day is getting harder rather than easier. I'm trying to hold it together for my kids and I know I'm not doing a good job. My 7 year old daughter is constantly giving me hugs and telling me she's so sorry. I shouldn't be making her feel like she needs to take care of me. There are just so many things going through my mind right now and I just can't hold it together.
I feel like I should try going back to work tomorrow, but I'm just not sure. I'm hoping some form of normalcy might help, but just going to the grocery store this afternoon resulted in tears. My husband thinks my first day back is going to be hard simply because all my co-workers are concerned and will want to hug and/or talk about things. He thinks getting it over with might be a good thing. I just don't know. All I know is sitting around the house is unbearable. If I'm awake, I'm a crying mess or a zombie. The only way to sleep is to be highly medicated.
Could anyone that's been there please give me some kind of advice?