I haven't spoken to my best friend in nearly a year.
When I say best friend what I really mean is the person who knew me better than anyone.
I lied to her and was found out. I apologized but it didn't seem to do much good.
We were meant to go on a girls weekend with 3 other girls and I cancelled at the last minute saying my ticket hadn't arrived. What really happened was that I couldn't afford the ticket as at the time I was having severe money troubles. I have a very well paid job and everyone assumes I am a high flyer but the reality is I got myself into some bad debt at university that I am still dealing with and it sort of came to a head last August. Rather than telling my friend this I lied so I could save face, embarrassed that I had a money problem. She wasn't happy that I didn't go away but went with other friends and suspected I was lying. I told her sister a contradictory lie to cover my tracks and it all unraveled and I told my best friend the truth telling her I was ashamed to admit to her I had a money problem. Her response was I shouldn't be ashamed of my debt and that I should be ashamed of the fact I lied to someone I called my best friend. And that was that, I didn't know what to say and we haven't spoken since.
Not a day goes by when I don't think of her or miss her. There is such a huge gapping hole in my life. I want to try and communicate but I'm petrified.
She originally blocked me on facebook but now I can see her profile and comment on her pictures etc but I am not sure if I can interpret this as a good sign.
I don't want to be without her, she makes everything easier but I am scared of being rejected. I will never forget how cross she was with me.
Any advice would be gratefully received.