I am in a point in my life where some days I am just over being a mother. I love my children but I just can't always take them anymore. I am tired of being the mom who's kids are brats. They don't respect me, don't listen to me, they are rude and just all around horrible. I find myself more and more often saying mean things to them out of sheer frustration. I know better. I just have no idea how to begin to change. I was never this hateful mean person before I had chiildren. Anyone that knew me could tell you that. I really don't enjoy being a mother most of the time. I do a lot of things wrong and yet, no matter how hard I try I can't do them the right way. I feel like such a failure. My husband is a strict man with the kids and is often loud with them but it only takes one word from him and they behave. Unfortunately he is gone all but about 4 days a month. I have a step-daughter that untill recently was just adding to the problem but now she has been a lot better. I just feel as though everyone around me looks at me like a horrible mom. I put on a front around people because I am ashamed of who I really am. Please don't think that I would ever beat my children and do things to hurt them because that is not the case. I think i need some therapy and medication but we can not afford insurance so that's out. I just don't know what to do. I love my family and would never leave them but I know I need help. I have always been a very strong person but now...I just don't know what to do about this. My husband says he fears he will have to come home and change jobs because he worries our children will grow up to be "those kids" that are hellians and that are just rude and disrespectful and act horrible in public. They humiliate me every time we leave the house but I just don't know what to do about it. I have tried all the discipline I know to do but they just don't care. I am so exhausted with trying. Most of the time I just want to let him be the one to teach them because aparently I con't do it right.
Is there anyone else that feels this way or has any advice? I don't know if I can tell DH how things really are for me because he is the only one working and I don't think we could make it if he changed jobs to be home.