Just wanted to come back and share that I have moved on and now found someone new. Her libido more closely matches mine. Her love languages also closely match mine, so in terms of physical touch and quality time, we satisfy each other fairly easily and naturally.
There were a few here who offered support when I vented my predicament, and I'd like to say thankyou to those.
There's a wonderful sense of security and freedom when you know if your partner is too tired for sex it doesn't matter at all, coz you're sure as heck gonna be getting some sooner than later. And that's only happened twice in the 4 months since we started going out, and what the heck, I even once turned down sex as I was too tired myself. Freaky!! ;-)
Not only does this girl initiate, but I can turn her on, very easily, and have had successfully initiated sex even when she's tired... she loves me touching her, nay groping her at home, any time I want, and stops what she's doing to really appreciate my attention. It's liberating.
I'm learning constantly, and yes, there's more to a relationship than just good sex, but once I realised just how important it was to me, I made sure that was communicated up front, and non-negotiable.
I am a little surprised that I managed to "find" someone, who ticks lots of the boxes in what I find attractive, and wanted to encourage other HLs in the position I found myself, back in 2007.
It is possible to find someone who matches you. Never give up.