Today is March 12, 2012 and about 3am. I have been through a great deal this past month and a half. I was doing well with my weightloss I went from 304 pounds down to 264 and yesterday I am back up to 270. I am having a hard time focusing in my life right now. On February 6, 2012 at 413pm my boyfriend of 22 years died in my arms, at his home. I have not been able to function since. I find it difficult to get out of bed in the mornings. Slowly I am trying to get back into the life that I know Kevin would want me to have. He would not want me to stop taking care of myself or to quit college. Which has been another major battle I had 6 weeks to go when Kevin passed to get my bachelors degree. I am struggling and I am sure my GPA will suffer I had a 3.87 GPA before, but this quarter I will have my first B's on my transcripts, but that is life. I am in a Tops group and a few members have asked me to take an office and I am considering it because I need something to do to keep my head above water. Many other friends have suggested counseling and meds, but being unemployed I have no insurance and I am not able to afford the doctors bills right now. I have 500, and no job, and a lot of bills to pay. Stress is high right now, but at the same time I am not caring? This Friday my Bachelors degree is over. I need to get the weight under control. I am not looking for another man and at this point I do not feel that I could go through this again.. I just need something to focus on to keep me busy and functioning in society again. I am sorry if this post is depressing, but this is my life for now and what has transpired since my last post.