Was made by angels, and given me for 18 years. The most beautiful dog I've ever known, gentle inside and out, with deep soul in her eyes. I lost her last night. A whippet my mom found running down the middle of the road when she was just weeks old. She chose me as her person, and my presence was a light to her, and hers to me. She was born with a severe heart murmur, but lived an exceedingly sound and athletic life until about a month ago when she contracted Lymphoma. I took her for chemo but we never got full remission. The last time I saw my beautiful Wish (Wishbone) she was working so hard to breathe. She was in an oxygen tank hooked up to a central line with IV drips and other medicines to help her. The vet administered a "rescue" chemo that should work within 1-3 days but she couldn't hold on that long. I sat on the bench in that waiting room for almost a full day, the vets and technicians all knew I would not leave. That's why I was so dismayed when they did not bring me back until she had already passed. They were doing CPR on her. I didn't get to hold her while she died, didn't get to give her the voice that she knew 18 years as a comfort, couldn't do anything. She was already gone when I got to her. I hope so much that she didn't think I had just left her to die. I remember the last time I had visited with her, it was brief because I didnt want to mess up her oxygen since they had to open the window for me to pet her. When I went to walk away, even though she was an hour away from death and she was so weak, she raised her beautiful little head and gave me those eyes asking me not to go. I went back to her tank and petted her for a few moments more before I left. I wish to god I had never left right then, but I was just trying to do the best I could for her by making sure she had her oxygen. I know now that she needed me more than the oxygen, because the oxygen didn't save her. I'm having a terrible time because I know she was asking me not to go, and I left her, and she died without me. I don't know if I should have asked them to euthanize her, but there was a chance she could make it and I had to give her that chance because I've seen her pull through some amazing things. I know she wanted to stay with me, but her body betrayed her. I struggle with her dying without me, when I could have been with her but chose not to. I struggle with, should I have put her down, since she spent her last day in a hospital with a bunch of tubes and strangers instead of spending it with me, and then falling to eternal sleep while I petted her and said her name. There just was no way for me to know, the vets did say she could pass and she was extremely critical but the blood work also showed some response to their treatment and they said if she could hang on until the chemo kicked in she might get some more time. I just really hate it, I hate it so much. I don't care about me. I hate it for her. I don't know if dogs have spirits but I asked her spirit to walk with me while I walked home yesterday after she had passed. I was holding her collar and leash. This wasn't just any dog, it was a Wish made by angels, and I hope they held her and comforted her in her time of passing, and whispered to her that I love her and always will. You know how people who have died and come back say they had flash backs? I hope she had flash backs of me while she was passing. So that even though I wasn't there, I hope she saw me, and heard me, and felt me in her last moments. I don't know where she is right now, or if she can see me or be with me. I don't know what to do. I want to help her, or communicate with her to tell her how sorry I am and how much I miss her, but most of all just to give her my company again, because that is what she loved more than anything.