I invited Alan to go to lounge with me tonight. We sat at the bar and chatted and laughed. I had picked him up at his place. He obviously didn't get the memo about ostentation that is circulated to all Californians upon arrival. It's a very ho-hum dark little townhouse in the back of a crummy little building in a not so good part of town.
I took him to a nice place - my treat - and then afterward, because I needed to make a decision, I invited myself to go back to his place with him. We kissed a bit, talked a lot, kissed more passionately. There was a moment when my body had a small flicker of chemistry with him, but then I pictured him naked and it evaporated instantly.
He had told me how badly he was hurt by his last relationship. He told me he's nervous that I'm going to dump him. He's told me that he has no idea how he got the attention of a woman like me, and that he's sure men hit on me constantly. He has repeatedly said, "You're so out of my league!"
He's a nice man. He has saved all his money and he'd like to spend it on me. But at one point tonight, he said, "I want a woman who can't keep her hands off me" and I faced the fact that sadly, that will never be me. I could probably get through a few times, but I could never sustain a sexual relationship with him.
So I'm going to cut him loose tomorrow. I'm sure he's in a cold shower right now. Poor man! A block away from his house I knew that it would be kindest to end it before he gets any more invested in me. Sad. It would have been nice to have that kind of attention, compliments and economic security. It would be so easy to make him love me and propose within six months. I feel sad, because he has some personality traits I really like. But it's not fair to hurt him badly. He doesn't deserve that. Boo hoo. Another one bites the dust.