Glancing out the window, waiting to read the stick.
Wanting desperately to stay positive, but my future is about to be revealed, and I just can't look.
My heart aches every time I see a negative line, and yet it steels to brace me for the ones that follow.
Why can't one be positive, why am I not worthy, Lord?
Do you see something in me that I don't see? Something dark that doesn't deserve?
Or, do you see that you need me to mother those who are not "my own," for they too need a motherly caress?
I have faith that you will point me in the right direction, but it still hurts to think, that the one thing I truly want in this life may never, ever come true.
All of my birthday wishes and prayers have the same subject line.
I'm lucky in so many ways, and I thank you for that, but my only remaining wish is for my empty arms to be filled with a healthy, wiggly little baby.
So if you could add a second very dark line, I would be so appreciative.