My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children together. I thought we had a good marriage. I admit, I was caught up in the hustle and bustle of taking care of the kids, house, and working. I didn't give enough time and attention to my husband. Rather than talking to me and telling something was wrong (he now tells me I just should have known), I find out he's been having an affair with someone he works with for almost a year.
I found out over a month ago, and things have been terrible. He has told me 4 times that it is over with her, but I always end up finding e-mails to her, phone records, and trips with her etc etc. Each time he tells me he loves me and wants to work it out, but I think it is like an addiction with him. Actually, I'd like to think that it is just sex with her, but in the e-mails that I find he tells her he loves her and will leave me soon.
She is very different from me. I am petite, blonde, and somewhat reserved. She is very outgoing, voluptuous, and emotional. I think he is excited by her physically and drawn to the loving emotional things she says to him.
I know that he is having a hard time dealing with this and making a decision. He really is upset, and sometimes, when he cries in his arms I wonder if he is in more pain than I am. I keep taking him back and believing what he tells me. After all, I have 3 kids, and I love him. Besides, I feel that it is partly my fault. If I had only realized that he needed more I would have given it to him before he met her. I really think that he is making a huge mistake if he leaves me. Honestly, I don't see them together for the long-haul, although I am a bit biased to say the least.
I am a mess. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I am doing a terrible job at work (luckily it is a slow time of year for me), and I am not exactly a stellar mother right now. My husband travels a lot for his job, and he has been out of town about 75% of the time since I found out (at least one trip to see her although I didn't know it at the time), so often we can't even talk to much about things. He doesn't want me telling friends or family because he is very embarrased, so I really don't have anyone to talk to. I don't know what to do - give him time to decide, leave him, love him? Anyone with advice?