I've gone through some kind of unconscious transformation in the last four days. Maybe it was my time out of town. I realized deeply that I don't need or want to be with a man who doesn't need or want to be with me.
The SA is back in town for 2 days. I texted him "Welcome home" and when he texted back, "Thanks! I really truly appreciate your friendship." I realized that there never is and never will be a relationship there. And that's OK. I felt my longing for it drift away.
I also realized that waiting for the Hoarder's Husband until the last petal falls from the beautiful orchid is REALLY stupid. And melodramatic.
I talked to a gf who told me that her boyfriend's piece is STILL not functional, now 1 year after having chemo. I said, "How in the WORLD are you enduring waiting for action?" (He won't even touch her erotically in any way!) She said, "If you stop having sex for a while, your body sort of forgets about it." I'm thinking that if I throw out all my batteries AND I decline every date with someone who is only ho-hum for a few months or more, that perhaps my hormones won't push me into wrong arms and I'll be able to take some time to be choosier than I have been.
Does anyone know if that's true? I once went almost seven months without sex and I thought I was going to die! But that was 10 years ago or so. Maybe I could do it now if I really focused on not focusing on it.