Hi! I'm married to a credit card junkie. He invests in real estate and has houses which are losing money and all he thinks about is putting more money into them in order to supposedly make more money. He doesn't get the throwing good money after bad concept.
We've been toghether 4 yrs. and married almost a year. During that time, I have asked him repeatedly to stop being a superhero and saving people who squander money (i.e. codependent), and that has improved somewhat. But also I have asked repeatedly for him to get out of credit card debt and establish mutual goals with me as a couple. Isn't that what marriage is about? Certainly it is our second marriage, and we keep our assets/debts before marriage separate, but he spends thousands on houses and his credit card debt is about 2/3 of what he makes in a whole year. He has attempted to pay down his debt a little but then he spends more on his houses and intends to go into debt to remodel a trashed house in order to rent that. It's a longer story than that, since his father is in business with him and lost a quarter of a million for him in an investment and has made no apology or explantion.
What are my options here? I have tried to get him help--Consumer Credit Counseling, reading Dave Ramsey's Money Makeover, taking him to my financial adviser (she said to sell one of his houses and he didn't like her advice so he says she knows nothing about real estate and you don't sell when the market is depressed. ) But selling one could pay down his debt. I consulted a real estate business person who said he should declare bankrupcy and get out of real estate.I have not told him yet--I'm sure he won't listen.
I had an alcoholic son (who has stopped drinking for 4 yrs. and has turned his life around, thank goodness!) but there were many hellish years until he hit bottom. So I see similarity here. What would be bottom for my husband? It would be hard to leave him since we're living in my place. LOL. He's in denial, he rationalizes, and yes, we've been in counselng for 3 yrs. and it's helped some, but he's very stubborn. He has refused to confront his father or make him accountable.
]I do take care of myself financially, and he pays for electric, gas, groceries, going out ...I want to move to a nicer house some day, and replace our crappy appliances, and plan for vacations (he has gone on vacation (to see my daughter, and to see my formerly alcoholic son graduate from college) with me but acts as if it is a giant waste of money and he only went under protest and then complains about a $30 dinner (when he squanders thousands on his crappy houses?
I've thought about trying to hurt him back since he has repeatledly ignored my plea for establishing mutual goals and getting out of debt. He is a really sweet guy, I know he loves me, and we have activities we enjoy together! He thinks of himself as being totally selfless, because he won't buy anything for himself (like glasses he needs!). Sorry this is already too long. But I don't know what to do!