I have been married for 24 years, 13 years ago was when my husband had the affair, we made the decision to rebuild our marriage. I knew I had to forgive him in order to start our journey to rebuild. So this is just some advice.
I found this website: http://affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/forgiving-infidelity-not#comment-12100 , because even after 13 years, ghosts will still come back and haunt me, and it can be a kick in the stomach, just like it all happened yesterday.
But a paragraph that I read, I Hope, tells you what you need to remember, when you start your journey:
Even if you decide not to rebuild - you still have to find a way to foregive.
"While we may choose to forgive, the consequences of those actions can continue to rock our lives. Each time an additional consequence occurs it also has to be released. Each time you understand more of what happened you still have to deal with the pain of that consequence regardless of whether you forgave them for their actions. Each time an intrusive front robs your peace it becomes another consequence to deal with and release. The shock waves created by infidelity can continue to roll through time for a number of years. Each additional consequence has to be released or resentment and bitterness could take hold. Continuing forgiveness is key to healing after an affair. "