First of all, Clarity suggested I change my name, which I've been trying to do but haven't been able to. I go to the bottom of the page and click on change password but it just kicks me out, I'll keep trying. Anyway, I say my A lasted 1 yr, but really it was more like 2 because it was emotional 1 yr before it became sexual. I still work where it all stared, so still hear people talk about xAP. Work nights at hospital and mostly stay in room where we first had sex. He lives a mile down the road, so drive by his house daily. I tried going a different route only to realize that way I was going to pass by one of the hotels we used to stay at (we both work nights, so we'd both call in and spend the whole night together). The other day my family had dinner at the Denny's in front of this hotel. The park we used to meet at is right down the street and I drive by there almost everyday. I ended it, but I still feel like I love xAP with all my heart. I would have given up my faith, my husband, my family for this guy. He said he loves me, but I know he also still loves his wife and wasn't going to give up his family for me. But the thing that makes it even harder for me is I have his son. Right now this baby is a constant reminder of him. I hope with time I'll be able to look at my son and just see him as part of my family and as my husband's son although biological he's not his father. It's been two weeks NC. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm doing it. Dodgie, and any other newbie out there, yes it's hard, still crying everyday, but I know it will get better and it can be done. Take heart, you are not alone!